Really struggling at 15 months out with losing my husband

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7. I can sure understand imavoter

I lost my husband six months ago.

He was basically insane when he died of vascular dementia. I keep seeing pieces of the situation play over and over again in my mind. I hear him in the house at times. I often think he is in the other room.

I've made some poor decisions during the time he was dying and since his death with money and other things.

I've tried to do the best I can but it is so difficult!

I heard from one person on Thanksgiving and I had no dinner.

That sure makes one feel loved not!

I couldn't see going to a free dinner place at some church so I didn't go anywhere at all.

I've been home the past few days fighting some health issues that have cropped up.

Along with having MS, I have a rash the recurs every so often and it was going full-blast after I fell last week.

I've been trying to keep things clean around here as I must being I have three cats that are kept as indoor pets. They force me to keep things semi-together.

I'm feeling like people in situations like we are are must learn the art of self-forgiveness. I know I did the best I could given the situation. If I'd played their game, I'd have had him put away when he began smearing feces around the house. My god what a hell I have been through! What a hell anyone in this boat has been through!

I am sorry to read about your loss and I understand where you are at completely. It is so difficult to learn how to start up a new life after a death of the magnitude we've been through.

I was with my husband for 44 years and I am LOST. I think that's where you are are too, LOST. I hope you weren't left with nothing like I have been. I never suspected there would be nothing for me after he died. I was not prepared for this on any level at all!

I'm living one day at a time. That's about all any one can do.

I do wish you a belated Happy Thanksgiving and here's hoping that next year will be better for you.

Take good care and here is a for you.

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