THE COFFEE SHOP

[Crewleader]

Life just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?


I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I
realized that I desperately needed to fart.


The place was packed but the music was really loud, so to get relief
and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

This is what happens when senior citizens use technology!


Love Older Women & Happy Endings


SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.

AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE
AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON
WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.



THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED,
"HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"


THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I
NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."


A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID,
"WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED
SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.


THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF -- STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER,
STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.


THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR.


THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.


THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED
AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD
WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID,


"SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"


THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT... I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO."


THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
And that's a fact!

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?