Roughly 10 yrs ago, 35 yrs of running away from my past caught up with me

[nadine_mn]

23. I have had some type of therapy (court ordered when I was younger)

Most of my life. My therapist since 2011 is really wonderful. He is the first person to really understand how having a narcissistic mom has impacted my life. He really has opened my eyes to how much pain I have been in. I had one therapist tell me I didn't have friend making skills...that has stuck with me for 10 yrs.

I am embarrassed that I am taking so long to get better (I worry...and this is stupid but this is how I was trained to think... that it looks bad on him as a therapist that I'm not better) ... so I lie about how well I'm doing. Yeah, that's not helpful to me. Also I worry I bum people out when I tell them about my life...so I shut down (I didn't do well in group therapy...when I talked and people cried I quit talking).

I was raised to believe I was a horrible person (pretty sure some variant of how mean, how ugly, how awful, how selfish etc was said to me several times since the day I was born until this year when my mom cut off contact with me. I should have been the one to do it, but it's done so at least I no longer get daily calls or emails of why I suck).

Since January, insurance has been the obstacle to this isn't working either. Thank you for reaching out to me...it really means a lot to me. I know better mental health is a journey not a destination, but I feel like my train to health derailed over in Suckville.