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nadine_mn

(3,702 posts)
6. your point about hypervigilance to the feelings of others
Sun Oct 22, 2017, 07:52 PM
Oct 2017

really hits home - I was *trained* to put my mom's needs first all the time and it has just carried over to everywhere else.


It's not so much about seeing something wrong with needing help it's more - trying to find the way to say it. My mom drilled into my head every single day that I lived with her (17 yrs) and then nearly every contact with her, that I am "mean" (her favorite word) to her and that I am a bad person. She said it all the time - so I truly, truly believe it. So much so, that I cannot believe people are capable (except in very rare occasions - Hitler) of being meaner than I am. Like, clearly I am the worst so if I can't think of doing it, no one else could. Then of course, I am always stunned when I do encounter people who are truly just shitty. Like hearing Paul Ryan talk about how since college he wanted to get people off Medicare. I cannot comprehend it. It really fucks with my head.

So when I tell people how I feel, and they cry or get upset - it reinforces that belief that I am mean, that I am hurting them. Logically I know they are showing empathy...but then I can't understand why someone would want to empathize with a person as bad as me.

Oh I know reading it, it sounds so fucked up. I really need to credit my mom for the fantastic brainwashing she did because it is so hard to counter it.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Hey, nadine. Just because someone else might have it worse, that does not invalidate your pain. Tobin S. Oct 2017 #1
I feel for you Hayduke Bomgarte Oct 2017 #2
None of my business but be careful of valium. defacto7 Oct 2017 #16
Yeah I know, but Hayduke Bomgarte Oct 2017 #17
Well, serves me right for sticking my nose in. defacto7 Oct 2017 #21
If you can not afford to see your therapist, see if there is a free group somewhere you can go to leftofcool Oct 2017 #3
This is such good advice (echoes of my therapist) nadine_mn Oct 2017 #7
It doesn't sound stupid-everything you delisen Oct 2017 #8
Nadine, it is OKAY to need help tymorial Oct 2017 #4
your point about hypervigilance to the feelings of others nadine_mn Oct 2017 #6
It's difficult PennyK Oct 2017 #5
He finally made it into my dreams. - That is depressing too. SleeplessinSoCal Oct 2017 #9
Oh I am sorry that is depressing nadine_mn Oct 2017 #10
Do the best you can hibbing Oct 2017 #11
Just started reading The Alchemist tiredtoo Oct 2017 #12
You sound like my wife and kacekwl Oct 2017 #13
This won't make you feel better but you must realize BigmanPigman Oct 2017 #14
There is so much pain and ugliness this administration nadine_mn Oct 2017 #19
I know... my dad literally told me the same thing yesterday. BigmanPigman Oct 2017 #20
Nadine, I know. donotpissoffacow Oct 2017 #15
Thank you nadine_mn Oct 2017 #18
How you doing, Nadine? donotpissoffacow Oct 2017 #23
Yeah, what donotpiddoffacow said. irisblue Oct 2017 #24
Stable I guess..I wish I could say better nadine_mn Oct 2017 #25
Glad to hear from you! donotpissoffacow Oct 2017 #30
hey I know how you feel steve2470 Oct 2017 #22
Chronic drumpf depression pervades America and Americans. democratisphere Oct 2017 #26
You are not alone in your suffering vlyons Oct 2017 #27
Curious...do you have any recommendations on where I can learn more nadine_mn Oct 2017 #36
There are many styles, schools, and traditions of Buddhism vlyons Oct 2017 #37
Thoughts for you! get the red out Oct 2017 #28
We had back to back pet losses in the span of a year nadine_mn Oct 2017 #35
I've been where you are, Nadine.. whathehell Oct 2017 #29
Did you see the DU post today? I thought of you. I will try to copy it. BigmanPigman Oct 2017 #31
well I needed to see this too. irisblue Oct 2017 #32
Done, as well as warm belly kisses. BigmanPigman Oct 2017 #33
I needed to see that...I need a reminder that it's not me nadine_mn Oct 2017 #34
The only times I cried so hard as to lose control of my knees angstlessk Nov 2017 #38
Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Mental Health Support»I'm tired of pretending n...»Reply #6