Older daughter estranged herself from me, again, a few days ago, as she does regularly,

[mopinko]

14. oh honey. so sorry this is happening.

makes me want to write her a letter and beg her to take care of herself.
i have so much regret for the damage that my depressions did to my kids. mothering is so hard. so draining. difficult when firing on all cylinders. but just impossible to do really well w one hand tied behind your back.

and for her to keep the kids away from you. it should be a crime. an involved grandmother is such a gift to a kid. we didnt really have that, and what a boon it would have been to them and to me. they were around, but not often. my mom was already becoming fragile about the time my kids were born. ex's mom was around, but also a person w lots of issues that churned up the family for her own benefit. for everything she gave, there was a price. sigh.

hope this is short lived. but yeah. projection. how many times have i heard that word? ugh. toooooo many.

on the good news front, tho, i hear through the grape vine that middle daughter is finally getting some help. so happy about that. maybe it will heal things. my worries about her mental health are a big part of our estrangement.

some day some genius will find the right words to say to someone who needs help that will not bounce off their defenses. meanwhile, we get plastered by blowback whenever we try.

hang in there sweetie. and dont back down.