When is it time

[mzteris]

5. he drove to the studio.

He called me and I talked him through getting out of the car. even through the panic attack. Breathe, son. Breathe.

He actually walked in to the building. hurrah. Whether he says or not? Well, I consider it a win anyway.

I told him he didn't have to talk to any one. He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. That if they ask where's he been, it's because they care, not because they're nosy (well most of them ) but he didn't have to answer. He could say, I've not been feeling well. Say, hey, sorry - got to go change. That observing the social niceties/amenities would be a nice thing, but not required if he's not feeling up to it. He can leave if he's overwhelmed.

But that I was proud of him for showering. For getting in the car and driving there. For getting OUT of the car. For walking in the building. If he has to leave, I'm still glad he made it this far. That's a whole damn lot.

He did say he broke down in front of his neighbors as he was leaving, but I told him, so what? They're either his friends and understand or accept him - and worry about him - or they don't so who gives a fk.

He doesn't have to explain his absence or his illness or his mental state. he doesn't have to say anything. if he feels compelled, a simple I didn't feel well should suffice. Persistent questions can be met with silence or I have to go or I dont' want to talk it about it.

But also that there is absolutely NO SHAME to having a mental issue so being open about depression and anxiety is okay, too. but I don't think he's there yet. And so what if he's not. One foot in front of the other. Just keep walking.

I am very very open about my depression and anxiety and meds. I quit hiding it. I talk about it it freely. I'm not a failure beause of it. I'm a "failure' if i know it and don't at least try and fix it. (Though I honestly don't assign that word 'failure' to anyone either. Except myself, of course. ha. And here's the best part, at least two people - that I know of- at work has sought professional help and are functioning so so so much better.

It's time to stop hiding. It's NOT OUR FAULT. We have to stop acting like it's some sort of personal failure. Of course I've had a lifetime to learn to live with this. He's just getting started with a judgmental group of young people who haven't a gd clue yet.