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[mopinko]

9. understanding maybe

i tell my kids- i am all flaws, held together by good intentions. they are slowly, as they get to be adults, starting to figure out that i did the best i could, AND that it was not THEIR fault. i want so badly for them to understand. i couldn't love them any more, and for them to not feel that from me is so frustrating. so i hope for forgiveness, for sure.

but i also, as i get really older, understand my own parents more, especially my dad. he too, was all flaws. a terrible alcoholic. but also a genius, charming as could be, and when he could be, a great dad.
i mostly hated and feared him all my life. but now i find myself accidentally on a path and in a place that he would have done just anything for. and i see my kids with the same love of animals, and growing things, which were his gifts to me. and i have finally found something to really thank him for. and for that i am quite grateful.