had to call the police to take my husband to the hospital yesterday

[BeHereNow]

6. Ah, the cats will be your key to unlocking the door of CHANGE.

Cats are terribly distressed by fighting and discord in their environment.
Focus on THEM and what they need when you need to walk away.
If you can't do it for yourself right now- do it for your fur people, as though
they were your children who you do not want to traumatize by your actions
and interactions with your hubby.

I know all about the "helpless feeling" and can tell you from experience, it
is not conducive or productive to the changes that need to happen.

You MUST gain control of your triggers.
Take ten steps away from the situation- make this a practice and
you will grow strong in your ability to summon it when you need it the most.

My family therapist- the best in the world, imo, once told me something that made
SO much sense.
She said initially we are attracted to some one because our "candy drawers fit and are
inter changeable... unfortunately the balance of that is the fact that our "shit drawers" also
are a perfect fit, and there in lies the work."

If he wont do the work with you- you must do it on your own, for yourself.
find out HOW your "shit drawers" fit- decide if there is any hope in coming together
to talk about THAT aspect of your relationship.

If not at this time, maybe later- either way, you MUST find a way to take care of yourself
and not "engage" when the "shit drawers' are opened up.

Learn to recognize it and you will obtain the power to retreat when needed.

BHN