Melancholic norm... [View all]
I find that my default mood is a very difficult to change all pervasive melancholia. Some might call it dysthymia, I've never been actually diagnosed with it specifically, but the label matters little. Basically my emotional norm, the mood I settle into when there are no external inputs and nothing to distract or entertain me, is one of a very familiar dull depression. I have zero motivation, and nothing seems interesting. This isn't a deep despairing depression, I have those too, it's more of a "why the fuck should I bother" type depression. And it's almost always there. This is the kind of depression you CAN work with, but it's difficult to and very tiring to deal with. I can get things done, but you are continually pushing yourself and there's no internal motivation. I do occasionally have actual happy moments but more often than not this emotional state is my default. If I had to give an analogy it would be like walking around with 40 extra pounds of invisible lead weights. They don't stop you from doing things exactly, and you don't feel desperate, but there's this huge inertia you have to overcome to get anything done. And of course I often have this interspersed with much deeper lows and periods of sharp anxiety related to other issues.
Does anyone else find their default emotional level to be very low? Like your forced to wade through molasses all day.
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