Discovery From My Past.

[ShazzieB]

7. My mother blew hot and cold.

By that, I mean she could be affectionate and lavish with praise at times but harshly critical at other times. Parents don't realize just how deeply what they say can go - in both directions.

I always knew she loved me, but she made my life difficult in a number of ways she was not aware of. For example, she was extremely extroverted, made friends easily, and loved being around people, while I was an introvert with few friends who enjoyed solitary pursuits like reading. She could not understand my introversion and acted like it was some kind of personality defect.

High school was the worst, because I didn't date (not by choice - no one ever asked me out, and back then, girls did NOT ask boys out). I really don't think she intended to make me feel ashamed of my shyness and my social awkwardness, but she managed to do exactly that. I think she really believed being an introvert was a flaw in my personality that I could change if I just tried, and her attitude convinced me that there was something wrong with me.

It was decades before I learned that some people just are introverts, that it's the way some of us are wired and not something to be ashamed of. That didn't happen until after she died, and by that that time, the days of her trying to make me into an extravert were long gone. I'm sure she would be shocked to learn the impact her attitude toward my introversion had on me.