Why bother? ...it's all gonna fucking burn anyway...

[FirstLight]

27. Still here, still breathing, still trying to heal

You know I realized, it's only been a couple of months since my ex tried to actually kill me. Maybe I need to cut myself some slack. I feel like this administration is continuing that feeling of being an abusive relationship.. and the helplessness the fear ...the desire to just roll over and give up.

I'm trying to get a grip. I managed to do a little bit of cleaning today. I'm so judgmental of myself and what I can and cannot do. And when I'm in a funk like this, it just snowballs into self-abuse.
Yeah I've got a good therapist, but even she can't fix what else is going on inside my head when she's not around.

I have to figure out how to pull myself up by the bootstraps, and maybe today is not the day for that. Maybe it's okay that I did just a couple of things on my list. Maybe it's okay for me to just be not okay for a little while...