It shouldn't be like this. Really. I shouldn't take it personal but I did and I still do

[crimycarny]

7. Your partner sounds like a bully

(Edit: Sorry, I initially wrote "roommate". My brain saw "partner" but read it as "roommate". Since it's a long-time partner that makes the situation even more complicated.)

That's bullying behavior and, though I don't know her, it reads like she understands you are vulnerable so feels "safe" in her bullying.

I wish I knew the answer but if you are a kind and sensitive person, as you obviously are, it's so very hard to live with a toxic person. Advice like "just let it roll off your back" is easier said than done.

I believe there are people whose brains are wired to be overly empathetic and they can't just turn that off. You seem like that type of person so your partner's toxic behavior hits extra hard.

You have every right to be upset because what you are describing is abusive behavior. Please don't punish yourself, though (again) I know that is easier said than done.