Something weird I've noticed about trying to 'control' my anxiety with distractions [View all]
When it hits during the day, I'll start working on something, go for a walk or interact with my kidcats. It helps.
BUT when I'm asleep, all of that deferred anxiety seems to come roaring back in the form of bad/weird dreams or flat out nightmares. The ONLY way to avoid that is if I take a 'chill pill' (Ativan) just before I try to fall asleep. Sometimes I can go two or three nights without disturbing dreams, without taking the medication. Sometimes not, depending on what's going on.
Most of the dreams are about my old work situation, which was extremely toxic. Some are about being in danger from unknown people. Most involve me being unable to get away, in that my legs are just too weak, and if I scream for help, nobody hears me. Then there are the ones where I can't find my car, my keys or my purse and I'm stranded. More than once I've awakened during one of these dreams but plummet right back in to it when I fall back to sleep.
Sometimes I wake up more tired than when I went to bed! Occasionally I'll wake up to see my kidcats surrounding me, looking concerned. I wonder if my brain shut off the sleep paralysis mechanism too early and maybe I was flailing around.
I guess there is just no escaping my demons.
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