The hardest thing about the holidays is having to act like you are 'OK'. It's exhausting [View all]
Yesterday was my niece's birthday. We all went out for brunch. I put a smile on my face, everyone was greeted by seeing my black eye (long story). Fortunately the restaurant wasn't playing Christmas music.
I found myself shutting down, a lot, during the meal but everyone was talking so nobody really noticed. I couldn't finish my meal because when I'm stressed I have trouble swallowing food.
When I got home I had a cup of tea and a donut and then fell asleep, totally worn out.
Tomorrow my cousin arrives. It will be the first time I've seen him since 2019. Now, he's had his struggles with emotional issues, in the past, so maybe he will be helpful and understanding. Everyone is coming to my house for Christmas Eve dinner so it's back on with that happy face. Hopefully I will be able to eat with a 'mishap'. I'm already stressed about that.
Sadly, I'm already looking forward to the end of the holidays so I can spend an entire day, maybe two, just cuddling with the kidcats and decompressing.
My family knows about my holiday issues but think that once we get started, I relax and enjoy the gatherings. I don't want to ruin their day so that's what I let them think. What really happens is I am overwhelmed and haunted by memories of all of the family members who are gone. Then I feel guilty.
Just a few more days...... I can do this.
= new reply since forum marked as read