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[mopinko]

2. honestly

you were asking if your perception is f'ed up, and in this case it sounds like it might be. you can't possibly be as bad at your job as you think you are. there are too many people out there waiting to take your job if you suck.
so, i got a feeling that you don't suck, at all.

that doesn't mean you have to love it, but if you hate it because you think you suck at it, and you don't, then how do you like it?

definitely hold on until you have some professional help, and maybe some meds. something here doesn't add up, and i suspect your self loathing is the cause.