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Cancer Support

In reply to the discussion: Guilt [View all]

NNadir

(36,780 posts)
19. When my father died, my stepmother said something that has always stuck with me.
Mon Jul 28, 2025, 03:46 PM
Jul 28

She said, "I hope I loved him enough."

Those who live after you will suffer, surely, from guilt, particularly as you, although I don't know you, care for those who will live after you.

They may well wonder if they should have done this rather than that and go over and over what they might have done differently, not understanding that anything they do or say will always be wrong because nothing can ever be right about losing someone you love.

I was the one who broke the news to my father that he would not be cured because the rest of the family was in denial as was he. I vowed to be honest with him because of my acquiesce to the familial denial I knew was wrong when my mother was dying. (In my father's case, had a frank conversation with the oncologist based on my literature searches.) My guilt over my mother's case was somewhat assuaged when I realized I felt equally as bad about being honest with him as I did in lying to my mother and telling her we would beat it, although I alone in my family knew otherwise.

In these final days of your life, you are involved in love, and I hope, when my time comes as inevitably it will, I will have the wherewithal to be so myself.

I wish you peace.

Recommendations

1 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Guilt [View all] Sparkly Jan 2025 OP
I wish I had some truly helpful answers, or at least suggestions, for you, niyad Jan 2025 #1
That is exactly what I need -- thank you! Sparkly Jan 2025 #2
You are most welcome. I am often up late ( this is not late), if you need niyad Jan 2025 #3
I felt similar with my family after my heart episode blm Jan 2025 #4
Thank you. Sparkly Jan 2025 #7
Please don't feel guilty. Frasier Balzov Jan 2025 #5
That perspective is reality, as well. Sparkly Jan 2025 #8
Some Thoughts PikaBlue Jan 2025 #6
WOW - thank you so very much for this!! Sparkly Jan 2025 #9
I love you, Sparkly XanaDUer2 Jan 2025 #10
I love you back Sparkly Jan 2025 #12
I do not know if this is helpful at all but the process of my mom's Maraya1969 Jan 2025 #11
I think I know what you mean Sparkly Jan 2025 #13
I am so sorry this haunts you purr-rat beauty Feb 2025 #14
Thank you. Sparkly Feb 2025 #15
Checking in, how are you? purr-rat beauty Feb 2025 #16
Kind of you to ask, thank you. Sparkly Mar 2025 #17
I'm sorry you are feeling guilt for something you have no control over Lifeafter70 May 2025 #18
When my father died, my stepmother said something that has always stuck with me. NNadir Jul 28 #19
I can relate jfz9580m Aug 7 #20
Metformin Sparkly Aug 23 #21
Thank you Sparkly jfz9580m Aug 24 #22
I'm glad you are doing okay! Sparkly Sep 5 #23
She did always want me to become a real scientist jfz9580m Sep 7 #24
Thanks for your post, Sparkly Laurelin Oct 6 #25
(books) Ditch guilt. Replace with acceptance of reality, which does not mean giving up. It means better focus Bernardo de La Paz Oct 6 #26
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