It seems to me that each chore can be done by either person, half of the time. Except breastfeeding .... but if expressed milk has been stored, Dad can step right in there, too. I got myself (woman) a pint-sized chain saw. It meant that I could do a lot of those jobs that I thought that I wasn't strong enough to do. I didn't actually use, that saw though, by the time I got it I was so used to being told that I couldn't do it, that I was scared of it. So, I hired a woman hand, and she used it. There are a lot of ways to get muscle-requiring work done with less muscle, like keeping one end of a heavy hay bale on the ground. You can still move it, and get it up to the third level on a stack. My wasband used to sit on the tractor using the idea that only a man can handle this beast, while the kids and I did all of the actual work on the ground. I didn't raise the obvious issue, because he wouldn't help at all if he couldn't just sit on his butt when that was one of the jobs. When cleaning out the barn, he'd appropriate filling the big wheel barrows, because he could do it faster than we could. That left us struggling with the humongous loads to get them out to the dump area, while he shovel-leaned waiting for us to get back. Again, my rationale for tolerating it was that I should be happy he was out there helping at all. This is how the anger builds bit by bit. Just because one gets away with this poor behavior, just because one can gaslight and talk a good story about this poor behavior, it sure doesn't mean we "share alike in the chores." If no one helps me to learn how to work on the car, or actively ridicules and humiliates me when I try to buck the trend, then later, I might be tempted to say, "No, dear, since you're fixing the car, I'll run the vacuum." But in order to share those undesirable over and over again chores, we all need to be given the opportunities and obligations to learn to, and to practice, doing both the sometimes chores and the again and again chores. As an afterthought, it sure wouldn't hurt if good strong tools that fit a medium to small glove size hand were readily available, not necessarily in pink, purple, or turquoise.
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