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Jilly_in_VA

(13,628 posts)

27. Stop punishing yourself, Deb

Sun Nov 30, 2025, 11:27 PM

Sunday

We are your family now. See your therapist ASAP/ Then see your attorney and go absolute NO CONTACT. You are under no obligation to people who abused you. The journey to healing starts with those steps. We love you. The community supports you. The people who never did don't deserve you.

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sheshe2 fierywoman SheltieLover iemanja lark electric_blue68 debm55 MustLoveBeagles

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I need some help with a problem. As some of you know, my family was/is terrible abusive to me. Physical, emotional, and [View all] debm55 Sunday OP

;-( elleng Sunday #1

Thank you , elleng. debm55 Sunday #11

Stop punishing yourself Figarosmom Sunday #2

After what happened with my husband with his cancer. I have cut of all ties. However, Friday was his birthday and she debm55 Sunday #12

Figarosmom is right. Take care of yourself and your husband. Polly Hennessey Sunday #23

---------- debm55 23 hrs ago #80

Yeah, you shouldn't have answered. Figarosmom Sunday #24

Good idea. Ty debm55 23 hrs ago #82

Change your phone number, Deb. SheltieLover Yesterday #44

-------- debm55 23 hrs ago #81

You can block specific phone numbers. Do it fargone 17 hrs ago #161

Thank you for your help and kindness, fargone. debm55 17 hrs ago #162

What you said MustLoveBeagles Yesterday #74

You are a sweetheart of a human being deb FullySupportDems Sunday #3

Thank you FullySupportDems. debm55 Sunday #13

Ty your very much for your advice. debm55 23 hrs ago #83

Ty ------ debm55 23 hrs ago #84

deb, you have endured far more abuse than any human being ever should! True Dough Sunday #4

I am going to call my therapist tomorrow. debm55 Sunday #16

Ty my friend. debm55 23 hrs ago #85

Your story is not too long, Deb. Permanut Sunday #5

Thank you my friend. debm55 23 hrs ago #86

THIS! electric_blue68 20 hrs ago #125

Blood is not thicker than water. You are under no obligation to do a damn thing for those toxic people Ocelot II Sunday #6

I want to second that FullySupportDems Sunday #7

I wish I could rec this a couple of thousand times. fierywoman Yesterday #46

I third this! (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Yesterday #75

Agreed! Excise the malignant ones from your life, Deb SheltieLover Yesterday #47

Ty SheltieLover. debm55 22 hrs ago #106

Yeah, but it comes in handy if you're desperate for a transfusion Warpy Yesterday #60

Thank you so much Ocelot II debm55 23 hrs ago #88

Thank you very much Ocelot II debm55 20 hrs ago #117

I agree with Ocelot... sheshe2 Sunday #8

Ty so much sheshe2. debm55 20 hrs ago #118

Dear Deb - You are loved. I love you. Your DU family loves you. You are not alone. Grim Chieftain Sunday #9

Absolutely beautifully put. fierywoman Yesterday #49

Thank you Grim Chieftain Yesterday #70

Thank you very much my friend.. debm55 22 hrs ago #95

Always here for you, dear Deb Grim Chieftain 22 hrs ago #97

You put in words what we are all feeling Bluestocking 22 hrs ago #104

OMG HoosierDebbie Sunday #10

Thank you HoosierDebbie. I have just taken my meds. debm55 Sunday #14

Dearest Debbie, I've suggested to you several times Niagara Sunday #15

But Niagara, I want them to say they are sorry. I want my mother to say she loves me. JC I am70 years old and married debm55 Sunday #22

I can understand that you want that BlueSpot Sunday #28

TY BlueSpot. debm55 21 hrs ago #109

Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that that will never happen. Ocelot II Sunday #29

Agree, I talked to my therapist today. Thank you, Ocelot II debm55 20 hrs ago #121

They're abusers. If you're 70 now, you're never going to get an apology Niagara Sunday #30

I don't know you but people here know you as a good person annielion Sunday #36

TY annielion. for your sweet words and welcome to DU debm55 20 hrs ago #119

It isn't going to happen. They don't love you, they never will be sorry. niyad Yesterday #56

TY niyad. I feel better today. I found some nuts , branches and leaves to make a spirit doll for myself. debm55 20 hrs ago #120

hugggggs. Excellent!!! niyad 19 hrs ago #142

Dearest Deb, I viscerally feel your longing for your mother to say she loves you and how sorry they are. summer_in_TX Yesterday #61

That is beautiful, summer_in_TX, Bless you, deb. debm55 20 hrs ago #124

I have a young friend who suffered much abuse as a child and young woman. summer_in_TX 14 hrs ago #168

Oh, ty, summer_in_TX debm55 6 hrs ago #172

I think you know that is never going to happen. GET AWAY FROM THEM NOW. FOREVER. COMPLETELY. SaydiTom Yesterday #62

Thank you SaydiTom debm55 20 hrs ago #126

TY Niagara. debm55 21 hrs ago #108

Yw Debbie Niagara 9 hrs ago #169

I am sorry... hlthe2b Sunday #17

TY very much hlthe2b. debm55 20 hrs ago #123

END ALL CONTACT WITH AND SUPPORT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SaydiTom Sunday #18

Thank you SaydiTom. debm55 20 hrs ago #127

I'm so sorry cate94 Sunday #19

Thank you very much , cate94 debm55 20 hrs ago #128

I'm so sorry, Deb. arkielib Sunday #20

Thank you my friend. debm55 20 hrs ago #129

I am so sorry, Deb. . . Stargleamer Sunday #21

Thank you. Stargleamer. debm55 20 hrs ago #130

Deb, cut ALL TIES WITH THEM some_of_us_are_sane Sunday #25

Thank you so muchm my friend. debm55 20 hrs ago #131

My God I am so sorry Diamond_Dog Sunday #26

Thank you very much, Diamond_Dog debm55 19 hrs ago #133

Stop punishing yourself, Deb Jilly_in_VA Sunday #27

Thank you very much Jilly_in_VA Love you friend. debm55 19 hrs ago #135

I'm so sorry. markodochartaigh Sunday #31

I do and I am glad you all are my friends. debm55 19 hrs ago #136

The Bible does NOT say your family has to ignore government funds available to them. pnwmom Sunday #32

Thank you very much, pnwmom. debm55 19 hrs ago #137

Everyone here is wishing you all the best! pnwmom 16 hrs ago #165

We all want and need to be loved and you have that with your husband and son..give them all you've got Deuxcents Sunday #33

Thank you my friend.Deuxcents. debm55 19 hrs ago #138

They made their choices KT2000 Sunday #34

Thank you, my friend KT2000 debm55 19 hrs ago #140

Their expectations Mz Pip Sunday #35

Thank you very much, Mz Pip debm55 19 hrs ago #145

Not too long. Dear_Prudence Sunday #37

Thank you very much, Dear_Prudence. debm55 18 hrs ago #148

You are strong, i have terrible advice Shellback Squid Sunday #38

What is your advice? Shellback Squid? debm55 18 hrs ago #150

toxic relationships are to be avoided, friends and even family Shellback Squid 18 hrs ago #155

Thank you my friend. debm55 17 hrs ago #158

Please stage left Sunday #39

Thank you very much stage left. I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on that. debm55 18 hrs ago #151

... progressoid Sunday #40

You said it best too, my friend progressoid. Love, deb. debm55 17 hrs ago #159

So sorry, Deb. You bring a lot of caring and light to everyone here. Knowing this makes it even more Gaugamela Sunday #41

Thank you, Gaugamela. debm55 6 hrs ago #171

I am so sorry deb. You always present a sunny image on these pages, showing so much courage question everything Yesterday #42

Ty for your loving words. questioneverthing debm55 6 hrs ago #173

The Bible Does NOT say to put up with Abuse and Cruelty. Radical Lutheran Yesterday #43

Thank you very much for your post. Bless you, Radical Lutheran. Love .deb debm55 6 hrs ago #174

Deb, with all my heart I wish I could give you a warm motherly hug. And while giving you Joinfortmill Yesterday #45

TY Joinfortmill. I wish you were too. debm55 6 hrs ago #175

I wish I could crawl into the computer wires, go to you and give you a hug. 3Hotdogs Yesterday #48

Oh! This times 10,000 times! fierywoman Yesterday #51

Thank you my friend.3Hotdogs. debm55 5 hrs ago #176

You don't owe your family anything iemanja Yesterday #50

Thank you for your words of wisdom. lemanja debm55 5 hrs ago #177

I also suffered abuse from family, though nothing as severe as you did. Trueblue Texan Yesterday #52

Oh Trueblue Texan. You have been there. Your words lift me up. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Love, debbie debm55 5 hrs ago #178

And we love you. Tell those fucking, monstrous parasites to go to hell. niyad Yesterday #53

Thank you , my friend. Niyad. debm55 5 hrs ago #183

I Am So Sorry You Had to Go Through All of This The Roux Comes First Yesterday #54

Thank you very much, The Roux Comes First. debm55 5 hrs ago #184

They will never change. Cut off all contact and take of yourself. You owe them nothing. camartinwv Yesterday #55

Thank you, camartinwv. debm55 5 hrs ago #185

Walked in your shoes. MetaphysicalMama Yesterday #57

Thank you, MetaphsicalMama.Love you, Debbie. debm55 20 hrs ago #115

Step away from the abuse, and start one step at a time. Remember you must take care of yourself, before you can care SWBTATTReg Yesterday #58

Thank you very much , my friend for your kind words debm55 5 hrs ago #186

So they won't take money from the government soldierant Yesterday #59

They don't want to be seen as "poor" I have told them many years ago about Access(the van) Snap, and other government debm55 5 hrs ago #188

Everyone here loves you, Deb, and this is a tough room JoseBalow Yesterday #63

Thank you very much , JoseBalow. Bless you my friend. debm55 5 hrs ago #187

Oh dearest Deb, I had no idea of the horrors you have endured. My heart is aching for you. You are the sweetest heart KitFox Yesterday #64

Thank you for your sweet post, My friend, KitFox, debm55 19 hrs ago #134

Hugs Deb. Duncanpup Yesterday #65

Thank you Duncanpup, debm55 20 hrs ago #122

Sounds like PTSD. Hope you look at DU as multigraincracker Yesterday #66

TY very much , multigraincracker debm55 20 hrs ago #116

You're not alone. Mike Nelson Yesterday #67

TY Mike Nelson debm55 22 hrs ago #101

Break free from your birth family. Sanity Claws Yesterday #68

TY very much, Sanity Claws. debm55 22 hrs ago #99

These people SHOULD BE IN JAIL! justaprogressive Yesterday #69

My husband called earlier and told my sister he would take her to the Senior Center. If you she does't go, she is on her debm55 22 hrs ago #98

Well done. justaprogressive 22 hrs ago #100

TY debm55 22 hrs ago #102

Thank you justaprogressive. My friend. debm55 20 hrs ago #132

Thinking of you this morning, Deb and hoping you could get some sleep last night. Always remember you have a load of KitFox Yesterday #71

I didn't get any sleep, but I feel better now. TY KitFox. debm55 22 hrs ago #96

Deb, you are so loved here, at the DU. lucca18 Yesterday #72

Thank you , lucca18 debm55 23 hrs ago #93

OMG 😮 MustLoveBeagles Yesterday #73

TY very much, debm55 23 hrs ago #92

Back at ya MustLoveBeagles 22 hrs ago #94

HUGS to you, wonderful Deb! OldBaldy1701E Yesterday #76

Thank you very much. debm55 23 hrs ago #91

The Heck With Them ProfessorGAC Yesterday #77

Thank you my friend. debm55 23 hrs ago #90

Please take care of yourself Sea A Chell Yesterday #78

Thank you , Sea A Chell. debm55 23 hrs ago #89

Good lord - cut all ties with these people immediately! Life isn't supposed to be torture and that's what they've made Vinca 23 hrs ago #79

Thank you my friend, debm55 23 hrs ago #87

Every word of this hurts my heart. pandr32 22 hrs ago #103

Thank you pandr32 debm55 21 hrs ago #114

Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs and many more Hugs, Deb Clouds Passing 22 hrs ago #105

Thank you very much, Clouds Passing. debm55 22 hrs ago #107

Take care of yourself, your husband and son. PittBlue 21 hrs ago #110

Thank you very much PittBlue. Oh, my father worked roe Carrier in Jeannette. He made good money, nice house. But what debm55 21 hrs ago #112

Just say 'No'. Stop allowing them to destroy your life. You are under no obligation to pay for or nurse any of them. And sinkingfeeling 21 hrs ago #111

Thank you sinkingfeeling. debm55 21 hrs ago #113

You have lots on your plate of life. Botany 19 hrs ago #139

Thank you my friend Botany, George was my favorite. I also liked the song, "All Things Must Pass" debm55 18 hrs ago #154

How the hell did you turn out like this with that background?! buzzycrumbhunger 19 hrs ago #141

Thank you very much, buzzycrumbhunger. It is odd that you say that. I have a BS in ART, 2 Masters of ED in Special Ed debm55 17 hrs ago #157

Deb, you will never get what you seek from them - TBF 19 hrs ago #143

Thank you very much for your post, TBF. You are a very kind person. debm55 18 hrs ago #149

Walk Away for Good (your own!) from these Abusers! I remember some of what you said previously about this.... electric_blue68 19 hrs ago #144

Thank you, very much my friend, electric_blue68. Yes, my BS was in Art Ed. The art projects that meant most to me and debm55 18 hrs ago #146

YW, deb! electric_blue68 18 hrs ago #147

You are strong. underpants 18 hrs ago #152

Thank you my dear friend, underpants. debm55 18 hrs ago #153

Sever ties donkeyoaty 18 hrs ago #156

Thank you my dear donkeyoaty.I talked to my therapist today and we are going to work on it. debm55 17 hrs ago #160

You are loved immensely here. Basso8vb 17 hrs ago #163

Thank you very much, Basso8vb. love, deb. debm55 16 hrs ago #164

Many people in similar situations, DaBronx 16 hrs ago #166

Thank you DaBronx for your kind words of wisdom.. I can not redo the past. But I don;t want to be totally responsible debm55 5 hrs ago #190

I just read your horrific post, and I feel so sorry for you. SWinter 15 hrs ago #167

Thank you, SWinter that was my roll too. I also left at 18. I am now more concerned that i will be in a hell hole with debm55 4 hrs ago #191

Wow deb, I never dreamed you have been through so much. Emile 8 hrs ago #170

Thank you Emile. I wish very much it wasn't so. But it was and is. debm55 5 hrs ago #189

Cut them off. They are killing you cpamomfromtexas 5 hrs ago #179

Thank you very much, cpamomfromtexas.For you wonderful words. debm55 5 hrs ago #182

Well Abstractartist 5 hrs ago #180

Thank you very much for words of wisdom, Abstractartist debm55 5 hrs ago #181