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The Borowitz Report: The Complete Wisdom of Dan Quayle [View all]
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/the-complete-wisdom-of-dan-quayle
Yes folks, this is satire!
Ever since America’s stupidest president launched America’s stupidest war, I’ve become wistful for a time when the idiots in our government caused no lasting damage.
In that spirit of nostalgia, here is the complete wisdom of former Vice President Dan Quayle — guaranteed to lift your mood and lower your blood pressure.
Dan Quayle on Education
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
“You take the United Negro College Fund model—that what a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
Dan Quayle on Geography
“We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
“It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.”
“The western part of Pennsylvania is very, uh, Midwestern. Midwestern. And the eastern part is more . . . east. Uh, the Midwest . . . Uh, Pennsylvania is a very important state, a big state. The western part is—Pennsylvania is a divided state, like Tennessee is divided into three parts. Pennsylvania is divided into two parts. You have western Pennsylvania and then you have eastern Pennsylvania.”
“Hawaii is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a—it is different than the other forty-nine states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.”
“Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.”
- more at link -
In that spirit of nostalgia, here is the complete wisdom of former Vice President Dan Quayle — guaranteed to lift your mood and lower your blood pressure.
Dan Quayle on Education
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
“You take the United Negro College Fund model—that what a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
Dan Quayle on Geography
“We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
“It’s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.”
“The western part of Pennsylvania is very, uh, Midwestern. Midwestern. And the eastern part is more . . . east. Uh, the Midwest . . . Uh, Pennsylvania is a very important state, a big state. The western part is—Pennsylvania is a divided state, like Tennessee is divided into three parts. Pennsylvania is divided into two parts. You have western Pennsylvania and then you have eastern Pennsylvania.”
“Hawaii is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a—it is different than the other forty-nine states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.”
“Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.”
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