George Santos Goin' Down To Prison, Lawd, Lawd

[Zorro]

Remembering the man who Walter Mitty-d himself into our hearts, and also prison.

What a long and terrible fall from grace it has been for famed inventor and three-time Wimbledon champion George Santos.

The not-even-one-full-term former New York congressman was sentenced on Friday to serve 87 months, or seven years and three months for the math-challenged, in federal prison. As a prisoner, not the warden, despite qualifications for that job that include being the former Attorney General in nine different states. Santos also was fined more than $373,000, which he was ordered to pay immediately, but we assume that will be no problem for one of the more prominent members of the Rothschild family.

Santos, a Republican obviously, was originally charged with 13 counts of money laundering, stealing public funds, and a whole bunch more stuff. Then the government found another 10 counts to throw at him after his campaign treasurer flipped on him. In the end, he pleaded guilty to two felony counts of wire fraud and criminal dumbassery aggravated identity theft.

Santos reportedly wept as the judge pronounced sentence, presumably because he will spend the next few years wearing a jumpsuit instead of the designer clothing he bought with misappropriated campaign funds. But right up to the end, the beloved director of the last Star Wars trilogy had been behaving in a way that almost guaranteed the courts were going to throw the book at him instead of giving him the two years in the pokey that his own lawyers had asked for:

They had recommended he receive an 87-month sentence, in large part because, they argued, he wasn’t remorseful. In fact, after prosecutors submitted their sentencing memo, they provided an additional filing to the court highlighting Santos’ social media posts to demonstrate that he remains “unrepentant.”

In one post, he referred to himself as a “scapegoat,” and in another, he denied having used campaign contributions to shop at Hermès. “No matter how hard the DOJ comes for me,” he wrote in another post, “they are mad because they will NEVER break my spirit.”

Okay, Icarus. Watch out for that sun, it can get melty.

https://www.wonkette.com/p/george-santos-goin-down-to-prison