The Borowitz Report: Nation Rocked by Jarring Spectacle of Republican Showing Respect for Constitution

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/nation-rocked-by-jarring-spectacle

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were gobsmacked on Tuesday upon hearing that a prominent Republican official had shown respect for the United States Constitution.

Across the country, U.S. residents expressed shock and disbelief that a member of the GOP had openly validated the rule of law.

“At first I thought it was a hoax,” said one American, echoing the views of many. “Then I was like, maybe it’s a different John Roberts? It’s a pretty common name.”

At the White House, a furious Donald J. Trump said that the Constitution “isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on,” noting, "When I was stealing documents I never even considered taking it." In his harshest rebuke of the 238-year-old document, he alleged, “The Constitution has treated me very unfairly.”

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