The winter of civilisation

[slightlv]

1. Mine made itself known at retirement.

The constant feeling I was wasting time... that I should be doing *something* productive. I should be working towards making a mark... a change in the world for the better. But never having enough strength, drive, and motivation to figure out how and what. Little moves didn't last too long. Big ideas slipped behind the knowledge of no money to set them in motion (and in fact, they'd probably have died, too).

"At war with itself" is a constant battle for me. And yes, I'm on anti-depressants (plural) and anti-anxiety meds. Still looking for that special combo that will bring me peace, and knowing that it's never going to be found outside, but within me, myself. And so, I continue the war.