"Old Fashioned"

[yardwork]

5. Yes but....

Yes, the old tradition of a man asking her father's permission was demeaning, but not quite in the way you're thinking. Women were the property of their fathers and then their husbands. They weren't allowed to make decisions on their own. They weren't allowed to work for money, own property, etc.

That was such a long time ago your daughter and her boyfriend may not even know the details of how bad things were. Instead of signaling that they think women aren't capable of making big decisions, I think they're simply seeking a way to be respectful and loving as they form their own family.

If I were you in this position, I would mumble something about how of course they don't need your permission and you're delighted to welcome boyfriend into family. In other words don't read anything into it except as an excuse to throw a small engagement party. Or lunch. Or something.