More Writing 2

[jfz9580m]

As an exercise I will separate out writing that is really only for the DU community. I don’t really care what anyone who gets past Dave and MIRT sees.
What is in my journal can be seen by people without an account on DU and there I will return to my more stilted style meant for strangers.

Actually, the bookmarks option is not that hard to use. And that should be fine.
It is still on the web and if someone had no life at all they could find them, but at least the intention - that it is a DUer having a shitty time and engaging in stream of consciousness writing or engaging inside the community should be clear.
That will restore my original sociopolitical mode.
I will never be anything but a dull academic in a narrow area. I am not an educator. But DU is likelier to have people who ..
Whatever it is where people want a restrained mode of personal political interaction with society or to share worldviews without it leading it swarms of creepy people flooding one’s street and harassing one.

This is not an open world game or a joke. I do not want this creepy stuff in my home or on my street. That is why I am going to the police locally. But that doesn’t mean that I have to lead a cloistered life. It is a barbaric reality and becoming more that way and where I live it is just creepy. And has been creepy since 2012.
Male or female these are largely people to avoid.


Thanks Dave and elad.

[jfz9580m]

1. Part 1: Normalization of The Panopticon is Grooming

Last edited Sat Apr 4, 2026, 01:25 PM - Edit history (1)

It is grooming women who: 1) do not work in tech, 2) do not want to work in tech, 3) do not want to waste all their time trying to figure out how creepy and unwanted rubbish tech works and 4) refuse to pretend that some sort of system of trust exists between a user (which has a dual meaning in my case, as an mj user) with a notoriously corrupt industry like the present day tech sector. The purpose is to dupe women into accepting ever increasing degrees of constant discomfort which a mere 15 years ago would have been considered super creepy and invasive. The invasion of living and working spaces without explanation in this way was unexpected.

No one sane trusts the contemporary tech sector. There may be some laggards who still buy the blandly sleazy and mechanical “progressivism” of Apple, Google, Microsoft, Facebook etc as anything but phony bs. But there are way fewer such people these days than say in 2015.

I will cut to the chase and keep this as simple as possible under the circumstances. Sadly I cannot be as laconic as I would like to be.

I am writing this mainly for women who might be receptive to this and even relieved that someone finally said it. This phase of undemocratic technological regress should be checked asap imo.

And you know..men!!!! Yes!! Bros!!!! Burgers and sports! Porn!! I don’t know..I am not very smooth and it tends to turn into rambling volumes of logorrhoea when I try to vaguely reassure..you know..men or something.

The gist is that no one is filing false allegations against you if you have absolutely nothing to do with me or my specific complaints. So go away. It is hard to target stuff this way. Local to me, yeah it is all creepy as was most of the last 14.5 years, but if you are some doltish random who takes it personally please don’t. Unless you work on creepy areas of tech while living in: Si Valley or a communist podunk in the global south and are generally like these guys:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_named_in_the_Epstein_files

I say doltish because sometimes it seems to be hard to get it through that at least in my experience (which has shaped me), for the most part at an appropriate distance most men are not creeps. But there seems to be a lot of general alarm when women start talking about filing complaints. I really don’t want to be sent back to the psychiatric hospital. I have come to fear male panic.

So it is okay man. Calm down. If you didn’t deliberately drive up and down a street in a communist state in the global south or work in a shitty Sidewalks Lab type of hell in Si Valley, it is not about you.

And there is something fake and disingenuous about fear driven fake empathy so I am not doing that anymore. But I cannot see that this creepy Panopticon is doing most men any favors either. It is a form of inquisition for men as much as for women, just in different ways.

And only a creepy subset of people trying to normalize each new creepy excess actually gain from this. It doesn’t even lead to tawdry pleasures for the vast majority whose job isn’t building, shilling or enabling this trash. And it creates a permacrisis and bullshit work (paid and unpaid). It has no pluses and cannot be forced as it was.

I tried this exercise over and over, but it wasn’t working. I have finally decided to keep it simple and about misconduct (in human subject research), malpractice (in psychiatry) and grooming, exploitation and harassment (sexual and other) involving the forcing of unwanted technological “progress” in Si Valley (Sept 5, 2011-Apr 18, 2012) and later in a podunk in the global south. This is largely a pleasant, quiet, sleepy place. But it is only a livable place minus these creeps forcing their misogynistic harassment and other creeps enabling it/dismissive of it.

There is no way in hell a non-malicious man or woman could fail to see how outrageous it was to force this here if you are honest at all about how socially conservative this place is.

Okay mindnumbingly stupidity and cluelessness would be the other explanation and that is not something to permit either let alone celebrate.

I will now flesh out all relevant details overtime as I finally set my life back in order.
This reminds me of my workplace from 2011. Coercive control sounds about right:

https://rainn.org/get-the-facts-about-sexual-violence/get-the-facts-about-grooming/

[jfz9580m]

2. Part 2: The Real World is not an Open World Game System or the Metaverse

The last 14 years & 8 months really were akin to a mental prison. Every week I plan to get back on the horse and have failed to in recent years especially.

I deleted most of my posts last week as every now and then I feel bullied into submission, i.e. that having to use the web to anonymously initiate complaints opens me up to harassment on my own street here in India. But that is nonsense.
And it is not my perception and a paranoid delusion etc. Can you just say the lamest tricks in the book?

The Streisand Effect etc are hyper-libertarian arguments used by internet companies and the worst institutions out there to draw a blatantly false analogy between the internet and the real world.

It is not a seamless continuum from the internet to the “real world” as people like that creep Andreessen or the monstrous people you find at places like Stanford would have you think of it. There are hard lines that separate the two which a disingenuous person would not find this hard to define. I am not normalizing anything I have seen since Sept 2011 (though it started a little earlier) just because most states have been as negligent as private sector companies, hospitals and educational institutions in my case, it doesn’t mean it will stay that way.

But I will start posting in this thread daily and keep my posts shorter and lay out important information as well as assert my right to be myself without being platitudinous and humorless to appease the types of people who engage in an even more insidious form of “she should not be wearing that if she doesn’t want to be assaulted.”

Iow that women who joke, make ribald remarks, swear etc in contexts that are in no honest sense an issue are themselves the problem not harassers and their enablers.

The problem is not what women wear or say around creeps. It is the creeps.
I have never policed people for controversial humor or swearing etc. But there is a line and it is crossing that to drive on my street or do fraudulent testing and snooping irl because someone posts anonymously on a website whose admins they trust.

But even without a pile of creepy social engineering (lie detectors, emotion ai) I have retained my humanity and understand human behavior in context better than dishonest people and their enablers.

This is a bad deal for young people, women and honest men. I have been angered at how much this has poisoned my formerly normal, unaffected behaviors around both men and women.

When you know very little about someone it is one thing. I have been posting here for years. When I first came back to DU I was - I don’t like the word traumatized even when it is not entirely inapplicable - more feral. There.

Language is important and very personal. I like animals (sometimes more than I like humans) so I don’t mind being compared to a cat or a plant or even a cartoon character. I don’t like being likened to a child or a teen or someone with mental issues that were not directly the result of shitty systems. Nor obviously to a bot.

Obviously I am not a potted plant. If I was and posting online that would be kinda cool actually.

I have been fighting above all this sense of anonymity (distinct from choosing to stay anonymous) that comes from feeling like this bulk processed, homogenized, blandly vapid or spectacularly lunatic brand of awful human.

I am a bit suspicious of what I at least see as PMC class language that I am not even sure is anything but liability consciousness.

While I am well to the left, I find it hard to join groups. It has made the last 14.66 years very hard. When I was reading about E Jeanne and more recently the 13 yo “boy-girl” who bit Trump’s penis when he tried to force her, I felt a pang of recognition. I felt the same way when I read about Sam Kuffel.

I grew up around my dad who is one of the most decent men I have ever met. But around my mom he swears a lot and even makes bawdy jokes. Which I as a child found very intriguing being a generally horrible child. My parents made a few attempts to instill some decorum in me, but gave up finding it altogether too uphill.

We were a happy, healthy family for all that maybe we would be seen as eccentric by someone nosy from a very insular and conventional family who wants to police people while being snoopy, creepy and mercenarily normalizing Google’s disgusting practices.

It wasn’t this sickeningly cultish, super creepy and invasive culture I got exposed to starting from Sept 2011 in California.

Imagine a collection of peeping toms and street harassers laying down the law re what is mentally healthy or acceptable. No one was calling it out and so now I have to as it is too much of a drag to endure.

This was such bullshit. I am filing all applicable complaints and I will be outspoken about it the way I would be.

[jfz9580m]

3. Part 3: Language, Writing etc

I wrote this in response to another DUer and am paring out their info (illusion or not, I am trying an honest exercise in communication, privacy, conflict and webuse. As far as I know I have not been doxxed and only people who know me and saw this would know who I was).
——————————————————————————
If — likes reading, I hope — reads “The Citadel” someday. It is a beloved classic and imo a must read for young medical professionals and scientists generally.

These are such corrupt times. I have rarely come across doctors I didn’t like. It is a profession (like science) which generally consists of people I respect and trust. The training helps instill a reality based worldview.

Hospital admins are another matter.

I rather like this one doctor, whose columns are pretty decent:
https://www.claytondalton.com/
Dr. Dalton is a physician-writer which I think is pretty cool.

I am myself trying to get back on track in science after a horribly extended break (a shitty job that was life destroying, covid, the death of someone I was very close to and some other really bad stuff local to me).

And experimenting with writing (which I have very mixed feelings about - which is why I end up deleting many of my posts off and on in a revulsion of feeling about revealing so much about myself online). I have complicated feelings about whether to only be someone who talks about their own field in the main and only posts other people’s views that closely match mine rather than write myself.

I know I will never write under my own name. But I am in the middle of a conflict and it comes down to whether honest human writing can help or not. I am a bit suspicious of concepts like “telling one’s story”. Sounds a bit dubious and sketchy imo. But Dr.Dalton, Yasha Levine, Ed Zitron, Chris Ketcham, Evgenia Kovda, Marina Bolotnikova and Adam Becker write unaffectedly and it isn’t an exercise in narcissism.

Hamilton Nolan had a piece years ago called “Journalism is not narcissism”. And I agreed mostly and like Nolan. So I have not decided yet. I suspect I will revert to my basic nature and end up deleting all my writing. Not as a reputation curating person. But as someone to whom sharing doesn’t come easily and who resents having been forced into it by a creepy, shitty loathsome workplace. I have fewer mixed feelings about writing exclusively about my hatred for my last workplace. There it feels natural.

But then I just sound embittered and disgruntled - both of which I am. But it comes down to whether it helps in my conflict with them. What sets my experience apart at least some from many is I was an early inductee into the creepy and repellant Panopticon being built and am writing to push back against it.

It all comes down to establishing conflict lines as I prepare to re-enter research if that is even possible. My last workplace made me give up. But when I look at the world today and how negative an influence Google, Facebook etc (all heavy influences on that creepy hell) have been on the world, I reject their worldview with the disdain it deserves. I do question some archaic views in science that make it less accessible to anyone but pis and temps. Looking at the diverse collection of creeps who catered to Epstein it doesn’t feel like a subset of these “superstars” of science are nice or sane unlike the average scientist (elite like my real mentor or non elite like me). And those creeps seem to be the gate-keepers like my disgusting, cultish and somewhat stupid former workplace.

This is an instance of politics getting entwined with science, medicine and reality and so maybe it is worthwhile? I just don’t think it is a very good thing when scientists or physicians are influencer adjacent. But the people I follow are not influencers. They are not shilling any products or posting on social media. Nor are they just contributing generic, canned stuff. Which I suppose is what it comes down to. What is the point if it is just more blandly insipid or spectacular, controversial and angering froth? Those are stylistic differences not substantial ones. That way I like Lucien Greaves - he writes to represent the caustic who have a function.

I will only ever write on DU which I do see as closer to collaborative teamwork which gets back to a comfort zone as that is much of science. I write here as you are all nice people and Dave, elad and MIRT make this very different from a hideous Zuckerberg owned hell. Otoh then I don’t want to grate on other DUers, while still writing freely if I do write. And my internal voice is perhaps a bit caustic and vinegary and one never wants to hurt people’s feelings unless they are all the public figures I hate and my last workplace. Like that is a shitty move to use an experience to invalidate other people’s views. That is the type of person who correctly annoys everyone. Of course I stay squarely in the average person side (which is why I stay anon). I have to think about it more. I switch between thinking of individual DUers and abstract concepts. As I have a picture of most DUers. I suppose it is how it fits into DU, but not electoral politics at all directly, but more what being an American or in my case an Indian who was trained in America means politically.

I have known both the healthy (my main lab) and the diseased (my last workplace and stuff I see here saw there. Oh fuck off auto wrong) versions of community or cooperation. A cult that hates nuclear families, largely solitary childfree catladies
is not the opposite of self absorbed solipsism and Thatcherite atomisation.

[jfz9580m]

4. Part 4: Cults are not Community

I don’t overall have a particularly unstable worldview about people.

My last lab severely strained my rather black and white worldview past a threshold. I already have a nuanced worldview overall.

For instance if someone is well-meaning, non-creepy and kinda clunky and inept in human relations, hey we have all been there. The Tim Hunt example comes to mind. As far as I know all his students and postdocs backed him. He has never been accused of anything more than a joke that made my eyes roll.

That would be my dad (pretty much my sole datapoint for a conservative man who is still basically a decent person. He was a military conservative and very disciplined in his ways when he wouldn’t go on the occasional alcohol fueled bender due to work frustrations). He never even drove, so DUIs were not on the table.

Importantly he has never ever been disrespectful of women. It genuinely shocks him. He was very popular with his students and he has even had women come to him and tell him when other men have made them feel uncomfortable.

Having known my dad all my life, there is no conflict I see between being somewhat conservative and still recognizing women as equals.
My ex dad in law was similar. He says things that don’t offend me as I am not easily offended having grown up around my dad. I don’t associate a foul mouth with creepiness. It is more tricky with bawdy jokes without a human as it is all context.

It is why I have finally chosen to write over a cottage industry of lie detectors, emotion ai and other creepy and pointless stuff that is the type of junk that a Panopticon produces.

I say controversial things lately (in the last year) because I am annoyed by polite pseudo professionalism coexisting with this PMC hyper policing culture that exploits a type of internet discourse (Lucien Greaves slams it) to actually target and punish the more lefty women who are actual supporters of a genuinely clean workplace for women.

What do I mean by clean? Women’s private habits or lives are none of your damn business and a totally phony (we care about your health! It is totally not sleazy data mining! We are putting you on file as a crazy lady for your own health!) concern for mental health..I mean come on.

It isn’t actually a clean workplace to police jokes and stuff that in context offends no one. Context is everything. Creeps will game the shit out of inconsistent and hypocritical takes.
It is the most human of things.

It is why I looked at Hennessy and thought sardonically “clunker” and yes a threat to sanity, livelihoods and democracy sure. But not a creep.
It helps creepy men have this bogus narrative of witch-hunts and false allegations and poison everyone with paranoia to not be blunt about some of this.

I did find my last boss a bit of a strain because he was not a creep but he certainly was not intuitively sensitive. I did and do feel that he sacrifices important things for bulk processing and hyperscale. And that is Pennywise and pound foolish. And worst of all, unlike my main mentor with whom I have this sort of unbreakable bond even when I haven’t seen him for years. And where I do feel that people should not have attention drawn to the things that make them cool because then it can become self conscious. But it was such a core part of who he was. He mentored so many women and had such a cool relationship with all of us.
In this shitty world it is nice how many make mentor female mentee relationships exist in the best sense possible.

But then I finally looked at the Epstein trash last week and read about this like creepy creepy guy called V.S.Ramachandran. That guy, Deepak Chopra etc make my skin crawl.

It took meeting my nieces and other young girls I know to repair my self-image from that of this paranoid borderline crazy lady back to who I am.
Working at my last workplace creeped me out and I tried to leave immediately. And it changed me. Yes I watch “Sunny in Philadelphia” and hell I even read Robert Ruark’s “Uhuru” (not recommended for the faint of heart. I will never say “trigger warning” or other words I think of as “PMC speak”. But well it is offensive. As is George Orwell’s “Burmese Days”. As is the callous description of a horrific rape in “Down and Out in London and Paris”. As is a most of “Gone with the wind”.

But you should have the ability to read offensive things in their unedited form and not be so vapid and vacuous that you immediately go to a Klan rally.

In fact for all that you may be “on the right side” of various things that you have already learnt from crowds to take the right position, you are still often in the wrong on many things like people like Jay Kaspian Kang who is too stupid to not get that factory farming is a horror. And a huge grievance complex is not about civil rights. It is just your cultural chauvinism and entitlement versus someone else’s.

Isn’t that what critical thinking is? This helicopter parent and PMC worldview is actually worse than exposure to the world as it is without a constant anxious disclaimer.

Even as a child I knew when reading “Gone with the Wind” that an entertaining piece of writing as it is, it is full of shit. Children have more sense than the adults who have it beaten out of them.

I don’t disagree that a subset of people of all political persuasions may exist who need a world that is very walled off from anything aversive. If you have only seen the net of the last 20 years I can see how thought terminating cliches abound.

But for me that is the other side of the coin from this genuinely disgraceful person:

David Agus
University of Southern California cancer researcher and founding CEO of Ellison Medical Institute
Agus, a professor of medicine and bioengineering, never met or spoke with Epstein. But he spent 7 years saying no to
him.

Agus received his first email from Epstein in 2012. “I had given a TED talk, and I think he had an affinity for TED speakers,” Agus recalls. “He wrote me, ‘Can we meet next time you’re in New York?’”
After telling his assistant to raise the possibility of a meeting, Agus went online and learned more about Epstein, including his 2008 conviction. He also reached out to a few people he knew from among a list of names Epstein had mentioned in a subsequent email. “They all said the same thing: ‘Stay away from him. He’s a bad character.’”

Agus visited New York City regularly in his role as a medical correspondent for CBS News, and he says Epstein would often email him after a piece had aired with the same request. Agus told his assistant to keep putting Epstein off,
saying he was too busy. The exchanges continued until shortly before Epstein was arrested in 2019.

Why didn’t Agus just tell Epstein why he was unwilling to meet?

“I don’t want to upset a powerful person,” Agus says. “It wasn’t my job to judge him, and I’m not a confrontational individual. I’m also not a moralist, and I don’t pretend to know the whole story.”

“But at the same time, I’m not going to meet with a person with [the] history that I saw online,” Agus continues. “To
me, it was very simple: Don’t associate with him.”

This guy is a disgrace. I am also not confrontational nor a moralist. But this guy and I mean different contexts.
I am a self-styled uhhh “sociologist”. So I have these categories-creep, sleazebag, dimwit, clunker. I think George Carlin had something similar.


This is not a joke. If I do have to write, I am going to write about what I have struggled with for 14 years and eight months by now. How creepy and ott I find this Panopticon and

When I met my psychiatrist in 2012, I thought he was cool. I was a bit wary that he might push sobriety on me sneakily. And music therapy or some other thing where “harm reduction” is as close as I will go with a cottage industry peddling fall monitoring (go away) and a series of privacy invasions for shit one does not want or need. You know I okay with mosquitoes or anti-mosquito spray over a privacy invasion that guarantees I won’t be bitten. No mosquito bites ever! Only a bunch of ai-fueled creepy surveillance! I will take the damn mosquito bites! Thank you!

My psychiatrist was cool and aside from a suspicion that this is another person who might try to sell me on clarity or some such foul thing I will never bother with suspecting that a straight edge agenda lurks, I really liked him. This is why I hate bulk stuff.
I was 33 years old and adept at pushing it but staying safe. I am not an ideal person. Don’t try this at home.

But he did say something that made me realize that the internet is skewing perceptions. He said something negative about feminism. And I thought he was kinda feminist. Like my dad is.
This rejection of the material world for what some asshole mobs online or now offline - the safety of crowds cowards - is bad for feminism, wokeness etc. And woke capitalism and Jamie Dimon etc are just a disgrace.

You have to leave room for human nature. It is just where you peg that should be not beating up on some powerless person or even a clunker, while silently being okay with this super creepy meninist crowd.

No one is going to force me into some foul drivel and flip the tables etc. it was and remains creepy. But well..

I was looking at those people sardonically
and going “Yeah these are the types who want a conversation. Fine. Then I will have one about creeps.”
And people with networks so large that they end up prioritizing creeps who are passing for elite (please do not tell me that Pentland and Ramachandran etc are elites. Yasha Levine and Christopher Ketcham are elite.
I am not elite and I need actual elites I do pay attention to who seem in tune with the reality we deal with).

My self-image was in tatters after my last job because for all that I kept trying to leave the fact that I couldn’t made me start seeing myself as this creepy or possibly crazy female. Crazy any day if those are the options.

But I am neither. And when I read about the Epstein children and women or the MeToo cases, unlike with girlbosses and their imaginary grievances, I genuinely felt for them. Especially for the “boy-girl” who bit Trump’s dick and doesn’t want to talk.

But as much as I respect a lot of the lefty writing I follow, the specific thing I mean - the sort of inquisition this is especially for honest women who…
This is a society out of balance. I like Evgenia Kovda and her piece on Camgirls because turning private things into a product is gross.

Were I not so disgusted by the drug war and the constant low grade strain of having to fend off male creeps and continue with a DIY mental health regimen in a grey area, I wouldn’t. The reason I am outspoken in my support for my med mj company and my doctor who is of a minority religion is that I have so many strong views I find I cannot change/
That’s the real limit of free will. You can even try. But your mind changes as it chooses to. It works both ways.
I find that I cannot have a negative view of my mentor’s wife even if I think “Okay this is too much of a headache. Screw all of them. They are all dead to me.” I may not agree with most people from that time, but she was an honest woman. As were the grad students.
I do disagree with them and have to make a case for what I do see as problems with a specific type of conservative left of centre that has some trad elements that I feel are suffocating women like me out between not wanting this exploitation of private lives politically as left. Otoh objecting to trad and sobriety sneaking in under the guise of community and health.
lol..
Meeting my nieces and seeing myself through their eyes restored me a lot.
Or actually it improved my self image. They are young girls without much nonsense about them and fairly assertive and left of centre and it repaired this diseased self-image I had started having as any proximity to those places does. I saw a female pi there who works at some small college who again seemed decent.

You can force and hector people and preach and so on. It will not change people’s minds and want does change minds is when people register something as genuinely convincing which given how this started and went on I see as less and less likely especially as I look at the state to the world and don’t feel that the people I was at odds with were right as opposed to me. And locally this is a lost cause re averting complaint filing.

Which brings me back to my last lab. It is one of the few instances in my life of people I have mixed feelings about and it is why the elite at a certain level are people it is kinda painful to meet.
Anyway I don’t think I can entirely avoid writing at the moment. But I am going to go work and start my life again.

But while I rarely get offended and seriously..My bars are not that high. It is zero tolerance on creepiness and corruption because that is not acceptable. No honest woman can work and live with creepiness or the level of disgraceful garbage I have seen locally.

But that aside, well you know..we are all random humans navigating this foul hellscape and we all need some grace. I certainly do. All the time and am grateful where I find it.

Thankfully I am no longer kicked out of my alumni email. I am grateful to people who tolerate me. I know I am unpopular, but maybe unpopular people have a function.
Who else could heckle creeps as openly? There is no shortage of group solidarity in politics and religion etc.
But I find it hard to join groups except temporarily followed by disbanding. And that may be a type of person who shouldn’t just be shoved into psychiatric hospitals or exploited.
While I can mend some fences from that time of my life, within reason, I will still be very critical overall. I am still finishing up my obligations to science and all I say is you have to be honest when you are a scientist or a doctor.

[jfz9580m]

6. I just want to be clear on this

Last edited Sat Apr 11, 2026, 07:23 AM - Edit history (4)

This doesn’t apply blanket across the board. And if you shattered my ear drums it almost definitely doesn’t apply. I don’t have my sensitivity pegged at the level of people who need yelling. It is at the other end of the spectrum.

Anyway, I do mean this selectively, but well..




Oh and Sam Miller MacDonald, don’t write an entire oped defending your write to be fashionable you person who has issues with purity and nuance that I never have had!
An entire oped Sam? When you clearly have so much more of value to contribute, this:

https://www.currentaffairs.org/news/2023/05/can-the-love-of-menswear-be-justified-in-a-time-of-global-crisis

Can the Love of Menswear Be Justified in a Time of Global Crisis?
Can there possibly be any value in caring about something as seemingly frivolous as personal style and taste in clothing? As it turns out, Yes!
Samuel Miller McDonald

filed 29 May 2023 in UNCATEGORIZED
The various tubes and vessels that everyone slides their body parts into everyday—clothes—are broadly considered to be, at best, the domain of the frivolous and unserious—at worst, the preoccupation of the narcissist. But even a passing reflection on the facts reveals this popular notion to be absurd. Clothes have enabled human beings to colonize virtually all of the Earth.

Sam..as a supporter and an acolyte (fan is a bit sketchy due to OnlyFans connotations), but herein lies an infectious problem. I am glad this is all you have to worry about. But as someone who is comfortable with strict standards you can see why sometimes your judgement can seem confusing.
The same goes to Ciara Moloney. How about something about these douchebags. Somehow? Look at the turds of the NyT justifying this with their cheery Scarlett Johanssen from Her tone:

https://www.cnbc.com/2015/08/17/data-crunching-is-coming-to-help-your-boss-manage-your-time.html

The reason it is important to find a balance is that it should never be bullying or discrimination, but lax immigration laws can also help out the Mitesh Bohras, Shalab Kumars, Ragy Thomases, Vincent Palathingals etc. And yes they are Indian, but you will find people in all groups that are shitty in group specific, context specific ways.

You are not doing a good job of being “multicultural” with the care and thought it takes to say these are cool dynamics in these societies and these are the shitty ones so a clearly deranged ass like Trump cannot exploit cognitive dissonance.
Many of us pick the least shitty option often.

But one day you find yourself unable to avoid a conversation and you try Boxer from Animal Farm’s strategy as much as you can till in the July of 2025 your eardrums can’t take it anymore and you are sick of being labeled a schizophrenic who won’t get treatment. Ffs.

And more seriously on page 282 of your book Sam, why would you choose Matt Taibbi and Glenn Greenwald Sam? Yes I joke sometimes (“Nastikoff Yah, Sovietski Bah..but it is merely a nod to the human grace we all need for our biases and prejudices) about people I consider and always will, superior to all the riff raff out there (like my main mentor).

There is someone honest and decent who is not an ego driven ass who makes the same points, while risking being called a “Russian plant” or other truly scurrilous things: Yasha Levine.
I suppose it is positive that Glenn Greenwald attacks factory farming and that Taibbi wrote one good piece recently trashing Robin D’Angelo. But as with this guy I really dislike Musa Al Gharbi, there is more to being left than the ability to be catty about obvious Darwin Awards candidates though popular like Robin D’Angelo (I apologize to Beverly D’Angelo. Some of my rants confused my ex who asked why a random actress was annoying me).

This is a daily issue for me not a joke and I have to go eat lunch with my dad.

I would not just hog time and space (though technically in every real way I am in this position out of an unwillingness to do so in any material way than not).

There are people who are hated for things that are no fault of their own. Then there are people who are hated for not giving a shit and not thinking very deeply about anything.

I can seem out of it (probably a defensive mechanism when outright invisible is harder), but mostly I am trying to figure out what the hell I am thinking and trying to go about life less clunkily than of yore (a Friends joke Sam! And one that fits pretty well).

My main mentor took every part of his job seriously. It is why I have so much regard for him.
I have some lines in the sand- you attack Paul Ehrlich or Dr. Fauci - you are dead to me. I saw an ugly little twat called Brian Keegan blame Paul Ehrlich (not Julian Simon mind you - that Mises parasite of an economist) from the left as “anti immigrant”.

That is the type of person I genuinely hate.

(Same with my best friend or main mentor. I can’t see anyone attacking my ex-husband since he is not a pi. And pis get attacked more as attacking people who represent the best bet for human evolution is the trend of the times.)

See I can’t tell what is going on the right side of the aisle. I tend to me more polite with people who are different and where conflicts can get serious.
And sometimes I do the dreariest exercise I have ever done which is calculate which conservative elite one can extend a slim olive branch to. Like even I hate the embrace of TikTok and trash like that as somehow awesome. And as someone who had a happy childhood and parents she could always rely on to be supportive while not making any demands, I do feel sorry when I read about people with awful parents.
But I am more for laughs than tears so it is funnier to throw together eclectic mixes that might net cancel out. Is that what fantasy football is? I have heard of such things.


And except that EarlG/elad/MIRT and DU (where aware at least somewhat) are too sane to see this as getting drafted into the GOP or being a Russian plant (it is just that I am very sympathetic to Ukraine and admire Zelenskyy, but I don’t buy people Malcolm Nance much. I buy very few people including myself - I should be working on a paper. Am I lazy? Or is it actually true that while I am not depressed or suicidal, all this killed my already fairly slender will to live? Science was already hard. It is the only thing I will ever earn an income from.
What future can there be? Things I ponder and which also make me hesitate about anything that would be considered intrusive. But I do think scientists especially have to be honest at least about who they are once inadvertently drafted into something from hell).

But sometimes it is not bad for difficult and unpopular women to weigh in.
I do value all the people I have followed over the years. I rarely burn real bridges. But I receive the right to exit rather than engage with the Brian Keegans or other pushy types.
Otoh I am fond of Nathan Robinson and Current Affairs as an important alternative to what The Jacobin/Freddie DeBoer/Casey Phillips/ that atrocious Ben Wray (it is between him and Brian Keegan for worst oped ever) represent. And Yasha Levine always in spite of these dubious characters he knows such as Anthony Galluzzo (another Ehrlich attacker)/Fergie Chambers.

People like me are being driven out of civil society by many forces. But normally one tries not to say that to avoid the style of the endlessly querulous and out of sympathy for many who endure a lot without complaining much however ignored or unseen they feel. Maybe it is about them.

I don’t have much to say if people stare at me. Bah…what you looking at..twat.
But I do have a lot of deep sympathies and so I am out there and thinking about you.
You can never be mechanical in yer humanism.
The thing I am sensitive to is the dynamics of bullying. I can hold my own, but I never join groups to survive where someday I have to bully people or lie.
Purity versus sane nuance I peg at around Sam MacDonald and his opeds about finding a left defense of menswear. (🙄 . I love Current Affairs, but jokes aside it is a problem among honest humans I see in science and on the left, which is blatantly exploited by bad people.
And like another person I am fond of Troy Farah, one day I frown over this and go, what now? I am a “finger wagging environmentalist” Is it?
I like people with planning skills that match mine. Real nice Troy:
https://www.salon.com/2026/04/04/maybe-its-time-to-give-elon-musk-control-of-the-sun/

You are all a disgrace! Look how you look to one of “your own”. No.. kidding.
Still..Sam..worst oped ever! Ever!

I can’t ever dial in anything. I am Hindu to the extent that I was born into a Hindu family and Indian military conservative with some pro Israel views so I don’t bother much with that as an atheist. But I have had so many Muslim and Christian doctors or other allies over the years that I make sure to never come off as someone who would ever be a jerk. It is symbiosis. I have needed their assistance often. And the way I think it is always about specific humans. It is why any crowds weary me and make me want to stay away.

Otoh separately I am more comfy with the Freedom from Religion Foundation. I thought they did a good job with addressing anti-Muslim bigotry honestly while also holding Mayor Mamdani to the same standard.

I cannot imagine seeing the lazy patterns so prevalent in society. I am not saying I don’t have petty things I notice (I can’t stand Mira Nair’s movies. And that is how I assess people. There is programming all humans have and then there is who you are and “Monsoon Wedding” was pretty terrible. The type of shallow social commentary that makes this society hell. It is also popular. It is why I fake joke curmudgeon but celebrity culture makes me give up glumly thinking okay this is a lost cause. Of course affordability is important, but mass messaging is increasingly outright kicking women’s rights and the environment, except narrowly and freedom from religion away and often embracing Utopianism vs Extreme compromises. The promise I see is in older left of centre like DU -it is why I will stay here until EarlG boots me out which is unlikely. But outside DU I follow newer left specifically like Nathan Robinson’s Current Affairs and Yasha Levine.).

Oh and Sam! Knausgaard is a creep and a bore! What is wrong with you all. How does this atrocious creep fly in this unforgivingly stupid society that never supported Dr.Fauci adequately (that was terrifying..he is a role model. It is why I have to forgive two very annoying labs I mostly can’t stand. But they pull their weight in society and I cannot really believe that they are more than annoying and awful and that’s most everyone -minus this same knowing far too many people and making foul compromises. And I support humane league via ACE despite my loathing of EA. What makes Beaglegate so shameful is how ventilation shutdown and factory farming are normalized by this society that peddles trashy conspiracy theories like “Lab leaks!!!!l” while Dr.Fauci gets attacked by douchebags.
I worked in science. I know how hard it is. It is not like being Douchey Mac Douchebag and then embracing Knausgaard.)
John Crace is funny. No more soup! Go away ai Oliver Twist! No more soup!
Why god why? All this for a bit of pot?
What about all the creeps and frauds?????

I collect these since it is impossible to find sanity in this bleak universe. I hate information being destroyed. It should at least exist in its original form somewhere. I am okay by now with mine. I thought I would never return to normal:

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/apr/21/a-man-in-love-digested

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/feb/16/the-triple-package-amy-chua-digested-read


I had a craven temptation to say “alright price gougers” and resisted it. I reserve the right to be thin skinned! Mostly by now only because I don’t want to adjust and maladapt. You cannot expect everyone to be like you and socialized to a sort of collective form of survival, when I don’t get it, but I never told anyone what to do. Because I don’t think it works outside of straightforward stuff. You have to change people’s minds and you could never change mine. Why would I be able to change yours or have some universal solution? But coexistence does mean not doing all this shit and then blaming the wrong dynamics as all people do. I liked publicly funded science because except for me everyone was truly pulling their weight in even my most annoying lab which I grudgingly give credit to. I always registered them as annoying and quarrelsome and Sam Miller adjacent in priorities.
Not falling for this again:
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/aug/27/autumn-by-karl-ove-knausgaard-digested-read

Huh?
https://www.wheresyoured.at/ai-is-really-weird/
Hmmm. It might not be possible to outwit all these jerks. I don’t feel like laughing at myself or groveling anymore otoh..maybe there are other options..what are those?
I can’t possibly be wrong about what irks me most. Can I?

[jfz9580m]

7. Writing

I don’t really know who I am writing for. Maybe it is that my self-image, which used to be very stable, up to Sept 2011 altered drastically when I went for this job that was hell.

I don’t think I am a bad person per se and I do care etc but I am always preoccupied with how much I am falling behind on work. Because I am no damn use to anyone anywhere unless my work is improving.

But I suppose as someone who prefers to spend as much time alone as I can get away with without outright being like denied hospital services etc, I will always reflexively switch to ..I suppose I feel guilty on some level for finding human contact largely torture except in these nice text forms without an actual person you have to interact with in real time.

That doesn’t make a bad or callous person! I ..like people. People have written books and articles I like and that unlike science is very human.

And who can like the sort of obnoxious pills that are genuinely these jerks. But I like text. It has adequate levels of information without extra information of no use to anyone.

I think a community that has text and text messages and email is way better than all this extra connection. I hate phones. They are so awkward.

Email, message boards and text -that is more than enough.

All I wanted to communicate is I am totally filing lots of complaints. And I will ensure that they get taken seriously.

But it is also cool where it is cool. This happens to me all the time inside this- the difficulty of targeting things.

That’s why I have s DU account anymore. And DU is different. I had a Substack account briefly, but I just could not take to it.
I think I preferred lurker mode here to putting all my eccentricities on display. But last July, as I was yet again trying to work and wrap this damn paper up, there were road closures elsewhere and the traffic on this street ramped up adding to the nuisance of these malicious criminal assholes who drive down this street to map it or out of a pathetic and bottomless need for attention as this type of “influencer” or “gamer” or other parasite has.
And I hate noise and sound pollution.


I try not to annoy people or make demands. All I wanted was simple contracts with society or where it is not that rigid, like DU or the non-intrusive normal humans who make up most of reality not that commentariat or public figures, influencers, celebrities-all people I mostly hate.

But I was also angered that these guys have this take that if you aren’t silent they have the right to extra obnoxious to “teach”. I don’t know what they are “teaching” but their next “lessions” I am deeply hopeful will be from inside a nice prison cell.
They should probably learn to make chapathis as that is what they do at the local jail.

Anyway I plan to make good on my promises. I will tune this out and finish this paper by April 12, 2027 and ensure that criminal complaints are filed against all these guys here in my state. They are a parasitic menace to anyone honest whether it is doctors, dboys, routine state officials or anyone who is not a creepy nuisances.
The tech hopefully just dies from non interaction and I will still file complaints.

As for the creeps I didn’t want them to learn to harass people into engagement nor disengagement.
But this is enough communication and from here on out silent disengagement would be more ominous as I am sure I can get all their names and details. This cannot be permitted and times change and new people formally enter the fray as I have! And there is no point in these foul exercises if these guys don’t get the pushback they have courted.

[jfz9580m]

8. Part 7a: Profile of a Neurotic Nimby (Hates)

Here is a rough something. If you cannot have a civilized society at least don’t send streams of garbage from people or things I loathe to this location or whatever the fuck it is or however the fuck it works.
And these trolls who used my street can expect nothing but criminal charges- especially the gang rape fans on their bikes and all those who supported them. Start elsewhere with compassion yeah?

I am filing a criminal case (only in a few cases locally in India related to incessant street harassment)/malpractice & misconduct allegations about the whole thing. There is some room for minimal cooperation, but not with the creeps who used my street and home in the last 12 years.

I am always torn between exiting society entirely as it descends into these uncivilised mobs and cults and living as I did between 2012 and 2019 with support only from my parents and 2 friends and distant support from a few colleagues.

And only returning later preserving the same alliances, but avoiding the crowds and mobs of daft morons and inept social engineers/engineers who are a strain on the nerves and ruining the efforts of all the decent people in there.

[jfz9580m]

9. Part 7b: Profile of Neurotic Nimby (Endured)

Most unavoidable rubbish.

[jfz9580m]

10. Part 7c: Profile of a Neurotic Nimby (Acceptable - mostly)

I like these people. I am not a misanthrope! Not entirely and don’t use loose associations but have a not loathesome human parse if you pushy idiots. Endless opaque bull crap that would require an entire and thoroughly pointless degree just to parse it:

—————————————————————————


Otoh it is never cool to throw other people’s work or lives away as mine was. Specific individuals are key. Not this hyperscaling and bulk processing.

My politics are left.

———————————————————————————-

Rare & Cool:

Abortion rights and freedom from religion:

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

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Chris Ketcham:

https://www.christopherketcham.com/

https://www.truthdig.com/articles/the-mad-religion-of-technological-salvation/

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On the very cool biologist Paul Ehrlich (who is not anywhere near the Epstein files unlike the types of people who smeared him):

https://thebulletin.org/2026/03/understanding-the-fragility-of-our-planetary-home-the-legacy-of-paul-ehrlich/

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Freedom From Religion Foundation:

https://ffrf.org/about/welcome-to-the-freedom-from-religion-foundation/

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Yasha Levine (Yasha is very cool. He knows a lot of people and has whatever “community” is. But he is still very cool by himself and am fond of him minus that mob that follows him around):

https://www.truthdig.com/articles/noam-chomskys-split-personality/

https://thebaffler.com/salvos/all-effd-up-levine

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Filmmaker Evgenia Kovda:

https://kovda.org/

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Sam Macdonald:

https://www.currentaffairs.org/news/there-are-many-threats-to-humanity.-a-low-birth-rate-isnt-one-of-them

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Nandita Bajaj and Kirsten Staad on Pronatalism:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/366133714_Challenging_Pronatalism_Is_Key_to_Advancing_Reproductive_Rights_and_a_Sustainable_Population

———————————————————————————-

Andy Nikiforuk

https://thetyee.ca/Culture/2025/07/25/Triumph-of-Stupidity/

———————————————————————————

Chris Packham

https://www.chrispackham.co.uk/

———————————————————————————
Ed Zitron on Ai and Matt Cerami on George Carlin:

https://www.wheresyoured.at/empty-laughter/


https://thehumanist.com/magazine/september-october-2015/features/strange-bedfellows-misanthropy-humanism-the-many-faces-of-george-carlin


———————————————————————————
Mental Health, Torture, Metaverse Trash and Corruption

Learned Helpless and Torture:

https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/theory-psychology-justified-torture


———————————————————————————

Neoliberalism is damaging your mental health

https://theconversation.com/how-neoliberalism-is-damaging-your-mental-health-90565


———————————————————————————

Joost Meerloos on the rape of the mind:

https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2008-09667-000-FRM.pdf


———————————————————————————

What corrupt firms have in common:

https://scholarship.law.columbia.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1076&context=public_integrity


———————————————————————————

Trashy Andreessen Metaverse:
https://www.roughtype.com/?p=9020


———————————————————————————

The shamefulness of a pardon for Dr Fauci. The attacks on Dr. Fauci along with the love for this rogue’s gallery of creeps (many of whom now seem to think turning down Epstein is some sort of act of heroism) is why American science with its deep ties in industry and defense contracting has serious issues and I could never do the cult version of community:

https://www.medpagetoday.com/special-reports/features/113867


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Animal Rights - Ban Factory Farming:

Compassion in World Farming
https://www.ciwf.com/


The Humane League:
https://thehumaneleague.org/

The Humane League via ACE (I dislike and distrust Vox, EA and think it is full of creepy sexual harassers and the sleazy MenToo!!! types but still I support THL and liked/respected the few women I interacted with over email. These are troubling times and creeps should always be thrown out with zero tolerance, but that aside, even I use a PC, WhatsApp and an IOS with all the ai turned off. Gah):

https://animalcharityevaluators.org/charity-review/the-humane-league/

———————————————————————————

Deb Olin Unferth:

https://debolinunferth.com/books/barn-8/


———————————————————————————

Trump’s job cuts/Project 2025 attacked the black middleclass. How a parasitic reality show star endangered the black middleclass:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/black-federal-job-cuts-trump-musk-dei-middle-class-rcna191704

https://www.npr.org/2025/04/27/nx-s1-5349442/black-federal-employees-trump-cuts

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NAACP protests Colossus:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/naacp-musk-xai-supercomputer-colossus-memphis-tennessee-rcna213490

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Bishop Marian Budde Makes a plea for mercy:

Dr.Omar Suleiman:

https://religionnews.com/2025/12/16/when-muslims-save-lives-the-islamophobia-machine-looks-the-other-way/

Would Mark Cuban Please Shut up?

The Satanic Temple and Lucien Greaves (he is cool. He is cool as an individual and the TST helps women get abortions):

https://www.vice.com/en/article/unmasking-lucien-greaves-aka-doug-mesner-leader-of-the-satanic-temple/

https://thesatanictemple.com/

The Texas Cadaver Scandal

Broadview Church on Harm Reduction

https://broadview.org/jeffrey-dale-interview/

Science communication!!!! I learnt creep cancellation math from this piece. These societies are hard to interpret but I read this as a suggestion that Jan 6 Trumper Creep Palathingal or Shalab Kumar or Ragy Thomas should be fed to some sort of GOP snake and the whole thing would generally work out as pest control for society broadly. All this transactionalism and eclectic mixes or whatever “syncretic” is gives one ideas:

https://time.com/7279027/earth-day-snakes-lessons/




MeToo

https://metoomvmt.org/

Epstein Victim’s Story is Corroborated

E Jeanne Caroll

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/e-jean-carroll-verdict-trump-case-accusations-b2486186.html

Epstein’s shameful ties with scientists

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_named_in_the_Epstein_files

Atrios on Lawrence Summers

Facebook and Google’s Predatory Invasion of Medicine/Academic Science etc. Sinclair Lewis can be paraphrased

Nathan Robinson on Steven Pinker and Blippi

Matt Stoller on Lina Khan via the American Economics Liberties Project:

https://www.economicliberties.us/media/https-www-theguardian-com-us-news-2024-mar-09-lina-khan-federal-trade-commission-antitrust-monopolies/

Democratic Underground - a rare haven online. Started by Skinner, EarlG (Dave Allsopp) and elad after the 2000 election and the only forum I trust:
https://democraticunderground.com/

Hemant Kappana and Tejas Thackeray represent the cool parts of India. The creeps on my street or who used my home or did all this belong in prison or ori.

https://www.livemint.com/auto-news/ev-takeover-won-t-happen-in-my-lifetime-hemanth-kappanna-1558019435807.html

https://www.theweek.in/theweek/specials/2024/05/04/tejas-thackeray-shares-his-passion-for-wildlife-conservation-and-photography.html

A culture of retaliation from vaccine research to sexual harassment to jokes:
SIL and MJAkbar, Sam Kuffel’s firing.

The Limits to Growth:

Human made biomass exceeds all other biomass

Steel Snowflake on Darwin, Kant

Stupid humans and the Idiocracy

Chan Zuckerberg etc would be no better:

https://www.npr.org/2026/03/30/nx-s1-5753946/science-jeffrey-epstein-mit-exploit-donors-philanthropy

One of the most sympathetic Epstein accusers, the anonymous 13 yo. She bit the shit out of Trump’s repulsive rapist “manhood”. Good for her:

https://www.thedailybeast.com/key-details-of-13-year-old-trump-accusers-accounts-are-verified/

https://apnews.com/article/epstein-academics-research-professors-3038dcfb20cccdd9693e4f894e93e90e

https://www.npr.org/2026/03/09/nx-s1-5721150/epstein-scientists-physics-virgin-islands-conference

https://gulfnews.com/world/americas/how-convicted-sex-offender-jeffrey-epstein-embedded-himself-in-the-scientific-world-1.500438515

https://edition.cnn.com/2026/02/19/politics/harvard-epstein-donations-influence-exclusive

Someone give these creeps a medal (they said no to Epstein!!!! That is the fucking bare minimum. Question is why did Epstein contact them in the first place? My mentor or friends would never be anywhere near any of this BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT CREEPS. I don’t go to the trouble of spending my resources and time updating an old paper to forgive trashy creeps who don’t do the minimum and scramble around trying to find a good reputation management firm that is “creative”. At least my behavior is zealotry and a touch of ocd but not about reputation. And okay that is creative speculation, but I stand my it - the creative reputation management part):

https://www.science.org/content/article/meet-three-scientists-who-said-no-epstein

Dr. Clayton Dalton on Private Equity takeover of hospitals (e.g.: Blackstone Inc)

Why? Never forgive any of them:
https://www.wheresyoured.at/never-forgive-them/

TED Tech Talks are for douchebags with one exception and that is mockery only of the pearl clutching swine of TED not any embattled humans:

https://www.thedriftmag.com/what-was-the-ted-talk/

https://techcrunch.com/2010/02/15/the-ted-v-sarah-silverman-fight-turns-really-retarded/

Context and human nature:
Just as you are quite happy to forgive the creeps who make my life hell over here, I am totally cool with forgiving the creeps who make your lives hell over there! But you don’t make a nuisance of yourselves to me wherever I go just because I cannot join a cult. I promise that the creeps here who used my home and their ties over there will all face harassment, misconduct and malpractice allegations. I am also totally cool with creeps who are annoying someone else.
It’s universal! Human nature! I too have “empathy” for your creeps! Well okay I don’t. But they are over there. Won’t someone think of the Indian male creep? You already do! I don’t have to!


A good piece by Nathan Robinson (who with Yasha Levine, Chris Ketcham etc represents a sane version of left unlike the Yimby creeps of Jacobin):

https://www.currentaffairs.org/news/2021/01/the-only-thing-worse-than-a-nimby-is-a-yimby

Marina Bolotnikova on Factory Farming on Current Affairs (I am wary of Effective Altruism and its pro human overpopulation, Yimby shit, but still support Marina and The Humane League and more warily ACE):

https://www.currentaffairs.org/news/2022/08/forget-they-are-an-animal

Marijuana Legalization without methods borrowed from gang rapists, Harry Harlow, Ken Suomi etc (Beaglegate was bullshit but Reefer Madness and creeps like V.S.Ramachandran, R.K.Pachauri, Padmanabhan Pradeep, Kanury Rao, Walter Lewin, Lawrence Krauss, Geoff Marcy, the MIT Media Lab are very real. As is the complete disrespect for women who are not girlbosses, soccer moms and live solitarily outside cults without madeup bullshit “community”)

https://norml.org/

Witness doomed attempts to exploit a protective allele against paranpid schizophrenia while slandering, testing, demeaning, coercing, bullying, dismissing & harassing the unwilling human research subject/complainant to permit exploitation.


Zero forgiveness. Fuck this shit. I lost my mom and 16 years. They can all go fo prison (especially the entire crew in or from india) or ori save for my best friend, ex, my postdoc mentor, my onc or unconnected doctors outside psych, a few shrinks from the past, my med mj co/doctors (symbiosis not endless parasitism and misogyny and disregard for women’s rights plus all around ubiquitous hyper regard for creep rights and for the creepy women who enable creeps and attack my sanity and credibility or non bot status. The mangled tech is the fault of humans as is the pointless social engineering and the tests. This was only gonna go one way. I will be state’s witness. A pox on all.)

I said I did not want anything to do with any of this in the October of 2011 when what I thought was a routine job turned out to be a creepy Si Valley/Defense contracting hellscape. It was more diffuse creepiness than Epstein or an outright grope and I never join groups. I rely on the state and laws not communities of humans because I wasn’t raised in a cult.

I don’t go around forcing my views on anyone and I don’t want to be in a cult filled with an ever increasing number of self serving douches with their own agendas and absolutely no self awareness.

I am grateful to Dave Allsopp/elad/earlier Skinner and MIRT/DU generally for having me around. I am an unpleasant woman to have around a lot of the time as I am mot socialized for cults labeled community and don’t kowtow to meninist mobs and tried hard to conceal it and it isn’t working. These people are all stupid and self serving and it is torture to have to “predict” their thoughts and it hurts their “feelings” when the “predictions” are overly astute. That is where the paranoia about “false allegations!!!!!!” comes in.
“I didn’t take any money from Epstein!!! I have ethics!!!”
You didn’t!!! Omg you are so special.
Hell is these people.

This whole community business is some sort of attack on the sanest parts of modern life. That is why we have sane laws and systems not a collection of tribals warlords shilling dubious garbage.

George Carlin really was brilliant. It is never individuals. It is the cults they form. Society establishes some norms the work over long periods. Abortion access, sterilisation access, birth control and contraception. Separation of church and state. The fourth amendment.

And then some creeps come along shilling “open science” except closed off to people who don’t blow creeps and aren’t polite. Mediocre and rude people have rights too. Bloody cultists.

Rollo Carpenter’s Cleverbot:

https://www.cleverbot.com/

Citizen Science on Cats:
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/if-i-fits-i-sits-experiment-shows-felines-also-sit-illusory-boxes-180977681/

A very sane and relatable animal without any aspirations of ruling the world and merely tries to exist around this dominant ape species without kowtowing to those ..them or behaving like this disgraceful pack animals dogs who betray animal kingdom to suck up to apes.

Humans like me cannot process mobs and cults. This is not Thatcherite atomization. Yeesh.

Prof Steve Chu on Pyramid schemes. He is almost entirely sane for a Stanford professor. Hey Prof Chu - you are a pretty honestly tough scientist. How about being tough with that series of Darwin Awards candidates shilling lie detectors, creeperdars or rather gaydars (I doubt that Stanford acknowledges the existence of male creeps - that’s most of the community!) etc as a pointless cottage industry of worthless drivel?:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffmcmahon/2019/04/05/the-world-economy-is-a-pyramid-scheme-steven-chu-says/

Coleman Spillde is cool. Always struck me as a high quality pet owner for a feral cat. That is quite possibly a heartfelt compliment or extremely offensive. It is one or the other at any rate. It is well intentioned either way!
https://colemanspilde.com/

An honest AI safety group though probably stuck up like all toads ever associated with Google:

https://www.dair-institute.org/
I suppose people become stuck up when they try to tell themselves that Fei Fei Li and Joy Buolamwini aren’t totally sleazy. and bullshitty in Buolamwini’s case. Prof Golumbia nailed Buolamwini.

Prof Lecun struck me as less likely to police my bad jokes and shove me into quarantine as a malicious bot. Or worse some sort of foul child.
I just had no idea we were all on such close terms you fugly twats.

I think you overestimate the limits of anti-Trump sentiment devoid of anything deeper. David Brooks is anti-Trump now. That is a bare minimum not “omg we are like besties you random loathesome douche”. Artistic license!!!!!
If that total creep Louis C K can be “rehabilitated”, I get to say twats.

Bah..humbug. I can’t stand any of you.

—————————————————————————
Why does everyone like Knausgaard. He is a creep and a bore. John Crace is better.
Sovietski Yah. Nastikoff Bah.
These are clearly absolute objective standards and call for even more rubbish ai and or lowpaid gig work forced on random people as very humanist:

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/apr/21/a-man-in-love-digested

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/feb/16/the-triple-package-amy-chua-digested-read


Prof Aziz Huq says sane things here:

https://www.ft.com/content/339418e7-405a-4028-a998-4faa622d6b23?syn-25a6b1a6=1

I DIY my own mental health after my mom’s death. She had an excellent oncologist and oncology nurse and was recovering but fell victim to greed and avarice locally I am pretty sure. I am kept out of many loops so that is my guess.

I have managed on medical marijuana and modafinil as the local services are not good. Not an ad since I don’t get kickbacks from anything or anyone. But these two medical mj cos and my doctors via those made my life less shitty. That’s a functioning, symbiotic relationship.
I am very wary of conflicts of interest as a formerly publicly funded scientist. But I am grateful to anyone who has an unpopular and disagreeable woman as a customer while working in grey areas. I avoid rubberstamps and pile on gaming and ai etc via Blackstone associated greedy hospitals and other such groups. A vegan lady who is really cool helped me recover my creep damaged sense of self after my mom’s death followed by daily harassment on my own street here in India. This isn’t problem with India or the US so much as with what passes for reality in these overpopulated, overcrowded hellscapes of misogynistic transactionalism w/o any concern for Earth, women or even any men who aren’t this douchey.

[jfz9580m]

11. Part 8: Organizing Information

1. EarlG’s post-election 2024 Analysis, which struck me as the most accurate one I had seen. It was a very succinctly written piece. It has been in the back of my mind as I monitor reality daily.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100219680430

Add my "what went wrong" take to the pile

Although you might find this one a bit different than the others.

In my opinion, this election established that the truth is now fully optional, and the voting public is mostly trapped inside algorithmic information bubbles. They don't know who to trust, so they find news sources that align with their existing prejudices, and then believe those sources to the exclusion of everything else.

In the years leading up to this past election, millions of online Americans were algorithmically microtargeted and bombarded with messages that were directly attuned to their specific fears. This messaging could be subtle or highly explicit -- whatever the algorithms understood would work best.

There's a reason why some people who voted for Trump said they thought he would preserve a woman's right to choose. There's a reason why many of the same people who voted for a constitutional right to an abortion in Florida immediately turned around and voted for the person who overturned Roe vs. Wade.

people's opinions were already baked in, and that is because people no longer expose themselves to information that might counter what they already believe.

Traditional campaigning is still important, but this election may show that it is no longer enough, on its own, to overcome misinformation peddled on an industrial scale.

it seems that what does break through people's information bubbles is some kind of massive change, a big shocking event -- like the election that just happened, for example. It may give us a chance to reset the playing field.

2. We seem to be a fairly ahistorical society & many of us struggle with memory and retention on a daily basis as well. Some of it is cognitive offloading from overuse of the net. These are three articles I have noted over the years.

2a. A tongue-in-cheek piece I found on Psychology Today written by a former FBI officer, Jack Schafer:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201712/looped-linear-thinking

Looped Linear Thinking
I became frustrated when I explained a concept. I identified the concept in general terms and then dissected the concept into its component variables. To determine if the students understood the concept, I presented a parallel situation and asked them to use the same strategies they used to explain the first situation to explain the second situation. I got blank stares. One of the students stated that he did not know how to explain the second situation because the second situation was different from the first situation. I told him that although the second situation may be described using different words, the underlying fact pattern was the same. I asked him to use the same strategies he used to explain the first situation to explain the second situation since both situations have parallel fact patterns. Again, a blank stare. I discovered that millennials cannot transfer concepts they learned to explain one situation to explain a parallel situation. They focus on one task, loop around until they master the skills required for that task, and move on to the next task, loop around and master the skills required for the second task and so on without recognizing that the skills mastered in a previous task can be applied to a future task that parallels a previous task.
Looped linear thinking leaves Millennials in a constant state of flux because they face each problem as a new and separate event requiring them to find a new solution to a problem instead of relying on problem-solving strategies they used in parallel situations in the past.

Critical Thinking
The ability to take a set of strategies to explain one concept or situation and transfer the same set of strategies to explain another concept or situation is called critical thinking. Looped linear thinking preempts critical thinking. The lack of critical thinking prevents effective problem solving not only in the classroom but in life.

2b. A piece which lead me to Nicholas Carr’s body of research. I found it when browsing as I was waiting for a blood transfusion my mom was undergoing to end. She was in treatment for cancer and I was trying to distract myself and stumbled on a website my ex used to read, Rigorous Intuition. It is an out there blog written by a Canadian author, Jeff Wells. It really struck me at the time (Sept 2020), mainly the exercepts from Carr, as I was familiar with Wells already:

https://rigint.blogspot.com/2011/09/we-are-monsters-weve-been-waiting-for.html?m=1

We know well enough now, by study and experience, how the Web's interruption system impairs focus, and compounds the cognitive switching cost of our online distractions. It's the subject of Nicholas Carr's The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains:

When we adapt to a new cultural phenomenon, including the use of a new medium, we end up with a different brain.... That means our online habits continue to reverberate in the workings of our brain cells even when we’re not at a computer. We’re exercising the neural circuits devoted to skimming and multitasking while ignoring those used for reading and thinking deeply.

Whoa! Just a sec there, Joey Google. Maybe I can't live in your Cloud after all. Maybe we should rethink this entrainment of our brains towards trivia, while we can still meaningfully think.

Anyway, Carr again:

Last year, researchers at Stanford found signs that this shift may already be well under way. They gave a battery of cognitive tests to a group of heavy media multitaskers as well as a group of relatively light ones. They discovered that the heavy multitaskers were much more easily distracted, had significantly less control over their working memory, and were generally much less able to concentrate on a task. Intensive multitaskers are “suckers for irrelevancy,” says Clifford Nass, one professor who did the research. “Everything distracts them.” Merzenich offers an even bleaker assessment: As we multitask online, we are “training our brains to pay attention to the crap.”

Or let's try on Jean Baudrillard's words, from his 1985 essay "The Year 2000 Has Already Happened," and see if they fit us in 2011:

[E]ach cultural and factual set must be fragmented, disarticulated, in order to enter the circuits, each language must be resolved into 0/1, into binary terms, in order to circulate no longer in our memory, but in the memories, electronic and luminous, of computers.

Our culture digitized is no longer our culture, but that of our machines. Our machine culture replaces our own, imperfectly remembers us, and tells us to forget ourselves. Paradise to some.

If a dumb machine - "dumb" like the nematode parasite that turns its host ant into a berry-mimic to spread its kind in bird feces - if a parasitical technology could infect its host with thoughts to disarm its opposition, I imagine they would be thoughts like, "why are we going to need ourselves," "we're going to have the easy life," and "you can never turn them off."

My rewired brain has its benefits. It's helped me to make associate leaps with greater confidence, even if some times that confidence has been unwarranted. But outsourcing my working memory has come at a high cost. There's the atrophied recall and attenuated attention span, and I don't believe that's entirely attributable to age and enviro-toxins. If it's true, and I think it is, that I learned more reading one book at a time than trying to read all books at once, then I'm just a chump in the idiot's kingdom called The Information Age.

2c. A pretty cool article onresearch done by a Professor Ryan Williams, who studies algorithms, on how a little memory is better than a lot of time.


2d. Accidental planetary brain (Noema):

2e. Many insights culled from the inimitable Yasha Levine’s work:




Post in progress..

[jfz9580m]

12. I go on the system of trust

Last edited Mon Apr 13, 2026, 01:37 AM - Edit history (2)

As I get closer to complaints, moronic attacks on people close to me are possible because I don’t normalize creeps. I also exit long before one is anywhere near creeps.

And I have only met a handful of creeps (an Indian doctor at a clinic in a red state in 2013. No connection with my workplace. Went there for a routine visa related check up and was asked to do weird shit. It is a specific and rare enough in my experience pattern of very confusing creepiness of a distinctly local brand. Pachauri used to try to get to know the parents of women he harasses. I don’t follow the thought process there.
But the main sexual harasser I met was a holographer who did contract work and had a history of creepy behavior with men and very meninist views and this was in 2014. He harassed me within 3 months and I got the fuck away immediately; a creepy man at an Akshaya Office in 2016 or 2017).

That aside a Darwin Awards (or really a JackAss candidate in hell showed up at my house in 2023 and drew my attention to bikes which I had not paid attention to before. Not the sort of thing to do. But even I let that off as an example of the kind of male idiot who thinks it is a good idea to go and take selfies with a bear. But he was okay. Complete idiot. But that aside. And it made my life worse. But I forgive him. What was not cool was some creeps wearing caps who would walk up and down my street and drive bikes hatefully. If that is part of a pattern, the people involved are people who should be at least in some cases be fired if they have jobs where they make calls like that in data science, street traffic studies etc. Or at least have strict oversight.
I am dubious about stuff I see being shilled no doubt as “cleaning methods” or some such abomination with ludicrous attacks on my work ethic. Yeah I am not working yet. I am also not getting paid. And being a complainant who in fairness has never sentimentalized her position so much as found this parade of lunacy a strain, especially as the only person actually labeled mental.
I let the one Jackass candidate who claimed to be my “classmate” off the hook. I let very few people off the hook, including myself.

I don’t do obviously unnatural shit like normalize all this bullshit but very soberly!!!!
I am healthy!!!! This random trash but no normal human coping.
That is different.

I have a clear idea of healthy societies and systems work that you cannot just overwrite with bs. I need to see why.
Not just “I work hard!!!! Creep rights are human rights!!!”

When you eschew what can in no way be called anywhere near due process for some sort of..if I were in no way involved, I confess to finding the sheer unprogrammed natural lunacy..
Again I like Seinfeld. I never wanted a starring role as the pigwoman or worse that icky guy Blake Lemoine’s bot come to life.

Cut it out. Idiots. But if you shattered my eardrums or were a self serving creep, no dice and so far some harmless lunacy (don’t try to reproduce it! That is not how harmless lunacy that makes you laugh even in hell works. Ger Yasha Levine or Ed Zitron or Chris Ketcham etc as character witnesses. They are all very easy going so good luck!!!!) aside it doesn’t look good.

I like the doctors locally as much as I hate the hospitals. Don’t go and annoy them with this trash because people in these parts tend to be mild and easy-going, I am not.

I just couldn’t figure this drivel out. Marijuana should be legalized without rubber stamps, ai, gaming etc piling on. The Human Terrain Systems had a few good ideas, but people who take to such stuff do not tend to be good at clamping down on serious harassment and fraud and instead bully and smear women like me.
It makes it a strain.
I can back salvaging a few genuinely worthwhile things. That is rare. I can let the one or two idiots I have met off the hook without creepy “verification”. I consult myself alone and don’t pull all this shit and then try to boss me.

I am sure I can stand the test of time bettee than you if democracy and civilized enlightenment rather than “creepy but popular!!!” transaction of the day is the order.


I am filing complaints but I am reasonable if you stop lying so self servingly.


As for the rest of you out there:



I have to go work. Ineptly..


None of the three labs I worked in, nor any I had meaningful interactions with between May 2001- April 2012 should have to open up their devices in the name of “open science”.
I am a complaintant and I say this because I do not think it is a “witch hunt” when some people have to.
But just because my third lab and adjacent labs annoyed me too much (DON’T SEND PEOPLE TO SHITTY PSYCH HOSPITALS for not sounding like this: “oh yes i have struggled with this made up bullshit issue from the time I was a wee child”. That may be your explanation strategy for anyone who is not a lunatic Type A. Or at least a sinner who can be redeemed.
That is not everyone. I don’t want an option between a bible banging (no offense) sobriety script and self loathing bawdy humor with some atrocious hacker or gaming creeps (no offense..I am not laughing with you or at you “bruh” and that is where it is at least a JackAss candidate not the standard issue brainless creep or sleazebag yes vagara..Hindi for etc).

Hate large crowds of the type of people who move towards this thing rather than in scrambling haste in the other direction.

This isn’t sludge. But this will take by my estimate long enough to fix in any way that respects the constitutions of both democracies involved - India and the US. I am sorry, I am too wary of other countries. I can barely understand the lunacies of these two. I just can’t do “creep or not international”.

But I am not sharing anything at this point unless it truly is something I would back and with the amout of information fracked out of me please figure it out better.
I was hoping to avoid my last mentor, but that may not be feasible. I support him at the level of: not a creep, not a meninist, I cannot evaluate his Science because it is too far outside anything I get. And he would have to explain how he is different from a ghastly type like Alex Pentland or how this was not a coup against the public sector by Google etc. If he does that okay. But as of this date, yeah he is probably one of the better people in this shithole. That is not saying much, though I did like that one biology Prof. And his wife must be decent. She didn’t alarm me like the women around those things typically does.
So that is a guarded 👍.

But I was genuinely fond of my main lab. It is the one thing that has kept me from becoming entirely cynical and world weary and I cannot pool them in with other labs.
Though i did like my first lab. They were nothing like EECS. And they were cool. But they were a more generic science lab that does good work.
My postdoc lab was actually cool. I actually liked them as scientists and as people. It wasn’t merely not torture to be around them. It was actually fun. Damn shame these systems drive most people like that out of science to make room for those nice Epstein people. 🤭.
Artistic license!!!)

Science is hard. It is better for society when people chose dull hard science isn’t it?
Maybe not making it torture and driving away people turned off by all this mucking around with people’s heads stuff is better.
Just a thought. I do judge eveyone by my main mentor and he was cool. Don’t go and find him to stare at him now.
Its Dave Angus!!! He was my main mentor!!!!
🤭
I question my behaviors sometimes.
Oh well..

[jfz9580m]

13. Medical Marijuana

I would personally seriously like to request the Indian state to not scrutinize doctors and the medical marijuana industry forcing rubber stamps via private equity owned hospitals that label women like me schizophrenic as one fraudulently did in 2012, or wipe out their honestly earned profits by forcing ai, privacy violations, VR, tests etc.

My medical mj company’s ceo and my doctors have provided me with a commensurately priced service and convenience at a time when I was embattled daily by this self serving trash both systemic and street harassment while coping with my mom’s death which was preventable.
I DIY my mental health with Modafinil and medical mj as the local services were not a good fit and I find rubberstamps parasitic and objectionable.

Legalize mj or don’t, but making life hard for the few industries food or marijuana, for most honest doctors while giving a pass to creepy social engineering that is best case second rate science and displacing good science..it strains credibility.

I would like to work with the Indian state to report this as you have to be aware that these narratives of “privilege” a type of “left” shills and bullshit of various other kinda is not really true.
Sure no one can say what “the ultimate truth” is.

But as humans we do have the ability to think more fluidly and honestly. I see decent businesspeople in vegan/clean food industries who pay their employees well (Piperleaf, VVegano, Meethi Kahani, Whole Truth) struggle and no doubt its never easy for medical marijuana. I see overworked doctors, underpaid nurses, overworked techies and I see Blackstone, Ambani etc.
You have to be invested in a saner society than something driven largely by treatment of sexual harassment and slander of women as trivial (including by some women. This was not that complicated) and greed and avarice without a heart, brain or common decency.

This is a time of huge change. We don’t have to do it this badly going forward favoring a shbset of shady and corrupt people and working against the system of trust favoring endless lies and transactionalism for the worst people at the expense of everyone decent. There are way more decent people if those who profit from demonizing marijuana (as they are incompentent and must insist on rubber stamps and tests) and promoting the narcotics war except when shamelessly they can also bully marijuana or peychedelics industries into kowtowing to them.
It is case by case. But so far it does seem as if dishonest, sleazy and transactional people have a clear advantage and today as we see this chaos surely a new direction is recommended?
This is a strain on all the honest people involved including me. Sure most people cope: But it is time for Sesame Street’s “this is not like the other” and you should be able to tell.

Both online and sadly irl I have seen people I would never have anything to do with. This doesn’t have to be futile torture. I switch between a gruff bark and a sort of plea for sanity because this is unlike anything I have seen before. It has some cool or at least fascinatingly lunatic aspects, but it is possible for what is routine to not be the most mind bogglingly creepy and corrupt implementation for unclear reasons beyond best case a hack like approach with no elegance at all.

That cannot possibly be the only way. My best friend or my ex husband would be able to do it with far more finesse in distinct ways. That’s not a conflict of interest. They are just brighter and better than this type of person and they stay under the radar not to be coyly Greta Garboesque let alone to go around doing creepy things, but because..they are not crazy.

Whereas this is a problem:

https://www.salon.com/2019/08/19/why-jeffrey-epstein-surrounded-himself-with-scientists/

These are the most annoying types of scientists. The type who are always on tv and many of them have MeToo cases. There is a personality type that likes spotlight versus just wanting to live in society without building a paranoid’s bunker or permitting influencers to be influencer
Yeesh. You have all driven me to people who want TikTok banned. Damn you all.
Shame on all of you! This society sucks.
Can’t you envision any other form of existence beyond “I am a creep! I want to be on tv! Oh wait that means scrutiny! Bunker time! Destroy all info! But also an entertainment product!”



I stand by my assessments: