I need some help with a problem. As some of you know, my family was/is terrible abusive to me. Physical, emotional, and

[debm55]

sexual abuse were the norm in my family. I was punched, had broken hands, black eyes. My father aimed a hunting rifle at my head and

told me that he was going to blow my brains out because my siblings wouldn't be quite and told him to leave it be. I was a pimple faced

_hore constantly by my brother as he straddled me punching the shit out of me as my mother closed the windows so the neighbors

wouldn't hear, that when I got punched in the breasts. My parents sat in the dining room and watched. I had my baby teeth knocked out

by my mother and kicked across the kitchen floor at my grandmother's home. I stayed at my grandmother's every Saturday as she lived

across the street of the church and while giving me a bath, she would wash in a place that she shouldn't. I thought it was normal-that is

how they do it in the old county. I never said anything until 45 years later. My mother said "And" I pay my way through college and for

my wedding through scholarships and loans. I was smart. I ranked 30th out of a class of 700, I saw doctors for infections, was seen

by teachers with black eyes and bruises. Never told I was loved. or pretty or smart or talented. I was taught to obey my parents. When I

found out I was infertile my mother said God punished me. I adopted a baby-they called him a _astard. There were are no pictures of

me, my husband or my child.in their home. I could go on about the personal abuse. When my husband found out he had

Malignant Cancer last summer , I was told that "Everyone dies, get over it. No cards, calls or fruit for Rich. This was after we

spent an entire month driving my sister From Westmoreland County to Pittsburgh. I could go on about the abuse, there was way

more. Instead of setting money away for my brother and sister who live at home, It was spend spent at the slot machines. My

mother and sister still claims she has uterine cancer, even though she had a hysterectomy. She was Fired in July as a nurses aid and

I am expected to pay for house bills as my sister and mother refuse to take aid from the government. ==SSI Medical, Snap. as it is

my responsibilitty as the Bible says to care for your siblings. Rich called this evening and said he would help with the SS portal. My

mother said no, Debbie will care of them. I am sick. I just finished crying. My husband is here, so not to worry But the pain that those

remaining three gave me is far more then I state here. Thank you for reading through this, I am sorry but I am confused, bitter and so

tired of it all. Sorry this is so long. Love you all.Deb.

[elleng]

1. ;-(

:

[debm55]

11. Thank you , elleng.

[Figarosmom]

2. Stop punishing yourself

Stop considering them as family. Tell them to apply for their benefits and take care of themselves because as far as you are concerned you are done.

Pull away. Take care of yourself.

[debm55]

12. After what happened with my husband with his cancer. I have cut of all ties. However, Friday was his birthday and she

called to see if he got his card. Rich wasn't home. It had been a year since we had talked. I shouldn't have answered.Thank you very much Figarosmom.

[Polly Hennessey]

23. Figarosmom is right. Take care of yourself and your husband.

Some people do not deserve our kindness.

[debm55]

80. ----------

Thank you my friend.

[Figarosmom]

24. Yeah, you shouldn't have answered.

Treat yourself to a treat and shake it off.

[debm55]

82. Good idea. Ty

[SheltieLover]

44. Change your phone number, Deb.

Or, if one of them calls again, tell them you refuse to have anything to do with them & hang up.

[debm55]

81. --------

Love you my friend.

[MustLoveBeagles]

74. What you said

[FullySupportDems]

3. You are a sweetheart of a human being deb

I'm not sure if it helps, but I'm sitting here reading about your situation and I can't help but think you are a very kind person, and they are so so lucky for the help you give. I had to tell you that.

I help with my family, and I can't imagine managing so much. With your uplifting posts and fun topics, I would have never known how hard things were for you.
I hope, though you're feeling down, you can feel some pride about everything you have done. And cut yourself some slack for what you can't do, or do not want to do. You're a saint.

[debm55]

13. Thank you FullySupportDems.

[debm55]

83. Ty your very much for your advice.

[debm55]

84. Ty ------

[True Dough]

4. deb, you have endured far more abuse than any human being ever should!

Have you been to counselling to help you deal with that heavy load?

Take care!

[debm55]

16. I am going to call my therapist tomorrow.

[debm55]

85. Ty my friend.

[Permanut]

5. Your story is not too long, Deb.

You are right in the middle of your virtual family here.

You have shown incredible strength through these challenges and ordeals;

The Bible speaks of caring for others, but nowhere does it require you to tolerate abuse. Those who are not caring for you are hypocrites.

[debm55]

86. Thank you my friend.

[electric_blue68]

125. THIS!

[Ocelot II]

6. Blood is not thicker than water. You are under no obligation to do a damn thing for those toxic people

just because you share some DNA. Cut them completely loose from your life; you don't need or deserve that abuse.

[FullySupportDems]

7. I want to second that

That could be a good course of action. With absolutely no guilt.

[fierywoman]

46. I wish I could rec this a couple of thousand times.

You are allowed to leave your abuser(s) behind, no matter WHO they are.

[OldBaldy1701E]

75. I third this! (n/t)

[SheltieLover]

47. Agreed! Excise the malignant ones from your life, Deb

And don't give them one dime!

[debm55]

106. Ty SheltieLover.

[Warpy]

60. Yeah, but it comes in handy if you're desperate for a transfusion

which is why I went low contact. There was substance abuse, so I called before 11 AM, when the person would be this side of reason. I sent cards. I didn't go near them on holidays. Just not doing that and they couldn't make me.

Of course, I'd taken the geographical cure already, choosing a part of the country they wanted to avoid.

I've come to a few conclusions over the years. First, I think justice is as uncommon as common sense, you can go through an entire lifetime without experiencing either. If we live through hell, life is what we get. Asking for justice is asking too much. Yes, that's a deeply cynical viewpoint, but it has helped me survive. Second, I've been plagued by the constant demons of shame and guilt. Shame makes me ask what was/is just so awful about me that people treated me that way. Guilt says that since I'm still not perfect, someone needs to punish me some more. Neither is healthy. Both are so stubbornly adhesive I doubt I'll ever manage to rationalize them and I'll certainly never be rid of them.

I chose low contact but I know too many people for whom that would have been dangerous. Whether or not you've been through this, you're not qualified to tell another survivor what to do. I've just posted a couple of easy strategies about what might or might not be particularly possible.

I will say, though that the holidays really suck for most of us, all the enforced cheeriness and images of happy, peppy families. It makes coping harder. If you meet a Grinch, try not to judge too harshly. Just pass the chocolate--boxed or hot--and let us be.

[debm55]

88. Thank you so much Ocelot II

[debm55]

117. Thank you very much Ocelot II

[sheshe2]

8. I agree with Ocelot...

Walk out the door and close it tightly then run as fast as you can no looking back. You have a husband and child that love you. They are your family.

Sending gentle hugs your way, debm.

[debm55]

118. Ty so much sheshe2.

[Grim Chieftain]

9. Dear Deb - You are loved. I love you. Your DU family loves you. You are not alone.

Do not let these toxic people harm you any more. Cut them off. Please. Reach out to friends, therapists, clergy, whoever you trust. You are a wonderful person! Your posts here are always filled with light and joy. Do not let these people harm your light. Send me a private message if you want to chat. You are a wonderful lady and I am here for you, friend.

[fierywoman]

49. Absolutely beautifully put.

[Grim Chieftain]

70. Thank you

[debm55]

95. Thank you very much my friend..

[Grim Chieftain]

97. Always here for you, dear Deb

I hope you feel the love and positive thoughts coming your way from all of us. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me or any of us on DU. You are not alone.

[Bluestocking]

104. You put in words what we are all feeling

[HoosierDebbie]

10. OMG

I am so sad that this has happened to you. Please consider disengaging from your abusers. You need relief from your circumstances, and I believe disengaging could provide some immediate relief. Maybe even moving. Easy for me to say, but I think you have the power to do it. You are beloved here at DU. Your posts are much appreciated and so many people respond to them. You are thoughtful, creative, kind and so much more. No doubt you would be a great friend with your wit and ability to reach out and touch people. Let me offer myself as a friend to you. A life with much less pain is possible. Even a life where you may feel some or even much happiness is possible.

[debm55]

14. Thank you HoosierDebbie. I have just taken my meds.

[Niagara]

15. Dearest Debbie, I've suggested to you several times

just to cut contact with your abusers. These three family members are extremely toxic and you can't "fix" them.

Don't contact them. Stop picking up the phone when they call you. Block phone numbers if you have to.

You're damn lucky that you didn't die as a child while all this abuse was happening to you.

Please don't help them. Please stay away from them. You owe these people absolutely nothing.

[debm55]

22. But Niagara, I want them to say they are sorry. I want my mother to say she loves me. JC I am70 years old and married

And I want her to tell me she loves me and that they are sorry. I was at the point I have had no contact for over a year. Rich needs me. And I still can't figure out what I did wrong. So I am back to square one.

[BlueSpot]

28. I can understand that you want that

But you need to understand that it isn't going to happen. You didn't do anything wrong. All the wrong was done to you and they aren't going to apologize for it ever.

Cut them off. Let them feast off each other. They are not deserving of you or your interest.

[debm55]

109. TY BlueSpot.

[Ocelot II]

29. Sadly, you just have to accept the fact that that will never happen.

You did nothing wrong. Your family are toxic people and they aren't going to change, which isn't your fault, and you will remain miserable as long as you keep hoping that they will. Counseling might help you accept the situation, but the only way you're ever going to escape the misery they've inflicted on you is by realizing that they will never change and shutting them out of your life. Your husband is your family, not these other terrible people.

[debm55]

121. Agree, I talked to my therapist today. Thank you, Ocelot II

[Niagara]

30. They're abusers. If you're 70 now, you're never going to get an apology

You didn't do anything wrong, these people are fucked up. Seriously.


These people could have killed you. If this would have happened to you today, you would have been taken out of the home and placed in foster care. If there was any justice, your parents would have been thrown in jail or prison.


I love you. There are other people here on DU that love you.


We're not blood related but we're still family here.

[annielion]

36. I don't know you but people here know you as a good person

These good people at DU who know you are the people you should believe. You were abused by people who are evil. The evil ones will not apologize, they will not say they love you. You did nothing wrong. You are good. It's very hard to recover from abuse this extreme.. I would say try not to give these evil people the power to define you. Define yourself. You are good. I would recommend you have as little as possible to do with these abusers. You owe them nothing.

[debm55]

119. TY annielion. for your sweet words and welcome to DU

[niyad]

56. It isn't going to happen. They don't love you, they never will be sorry.

Do NOT give them one more minute of your time, energy, or love, and stop abusing yourself over them.

[debm55]

120. TY niyad. I feel better today. I found some nuts , branches and leaves to make a spirit doll for myself.

[summer_in_TX]

61. Dearest Deb, I viscerally feel your longing for your mother to say she loves you and how sorry they are.

I am deeply sorry that your mother and others in your family are incapable of being normal, loving human beings. It is tragic. I think it is a miracle though that you are so full of love after all their abuse. But thank God you are, and their toxicity did not turn you into a toxic person.

I suspect that your deep empathy was a result of all you endured and that you have transformed much of that pain into something remarkably beautiful.

Now all that beautiful empathy, kindness, and understanding needs to surround that little girl you were and the person you are now so that you love and protect her from further harm. It may sound odd but I see you telling that little girl exactly what your mother was incapable of doing. And loving her enough to protect her from further harm from these people who are only motivated by hatred. That will mean not allowing them access to her ever again. They are unworthy of touching a hair of her head or of yours. I know how hard it is to block phone numbers and keep them blocked, but I think it is the only way to keep her (and you) safe. Changing phone numbers is a good idea and losing their info will help you protect that little girl who deserves all the love and protection they were completely unable to give – and never will be.



🙏

[debm55]

124. That is beautiful, summer_in_TX, Bless you, deb.

[SaydiTom]

62. I think you know that is never going to happen. GET AWAY FROM THEM NOW. FOREVER. COMPLETELY.

[debm55]

126. Thank you SaydiTom

[debm55]

108. TY Niagara.

[hlthe2b]

17. I am sorry...

Nothing I will say is likely to help because I am not in your shoes, but we care here, and whatever you do to construct a permanent wall between yourself and your family would be fully understandable (and recommended).

[debm55]

123. TY very much hlthe2b.

[SaydiTom]

18. END ALL CONTACT WITH AND SUPPORT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY

Run in the opposite direction and never look back.

[debm55]

127. Thank you SaydiTom.

[cate94]

19. I'm so sorry

No one deserves the kind of abuse you endured. You don’t owe them anything, but you do owe yourself some solid boundaries. At the very least you should refuse to help them monetarily until they get government assistance. Certainly cutting them completely out of your life is reasonable given their past behavior. Do what is best for you. Remember you are loved and deserving of all good.

[debm55]

128. Thank you very much , cate94

[arkielib]

20. I'm so sorry, Deb.

Please wash your hands of your abusive family. You owe them nothing and they deserve nothing from you. Rich and your son are your family now. Your mother and sister can learn to fend for themselves.

[debm55]

129. Thank you my friend.

[Stargleamer]

21. I am so sorry, Deb. . .

You suffered so horrifically from a family that betrayed you. Despite all the abuse you suffered you managed to maintain an inner goodness and that is something to be proud of.

I wish you all the best as you endure such difficult times. And I fervently hope somehow that abundant soothing solace can find you.

Take Care, Dear Deb.

[debm55]

130. Thank you. Stargleamer.

[some_of_us_are_sane]

25. Deb, cut ALL TIES WITH THEM

You did not choose the family you were born into and they kicked you around like a piece of trash.

THEY NEVER DESERVED YOUR LOVING, BRIGHT PRESENCE. Stop waiting for them to show they love you. They are damaged people, and that will never happen.

Encircle the family you've made for yourself... and CLOSE the door on a past that can never be reborn into something nurturing.

You have HEAPS to give....don't waste it on lost causes and cruel and selfish people!

[debm55]

131. Thank you so muchm my friend.

[Diamond_Dog]

26. My God I am so sorry

Others here have offered excellent advice. I can’t imagine what you have endured.

[Jilly_in_VA]

27. Stop punishing yourself, Deb

We are your family now. See your therapist ASAP/ Then see your attorney and go absolute NO CONTACT. You are under no obligation to people who abused you. The journey to healing starts with those steps. We love you. The community supports you. The people who never did don't deserve you.

[markodochartaigh]

31. I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't even know what to say to support you if we were in the same room. On the internet I certainly have no idea.

But you are such a constant positive force here on DU. I hope that you feel that same positivity back from us, and that it is a source of comfort in your life.

[pnwmom]

32. The Bible does NOT say your family has to ignore government funds available to them.

Don't let them guilt trip you about that.

You and Rich need to conserve your resources for the battle ahead -- both your emotional resources and your financial resources.

I hope you can find the strength to cut your ties with a family who only causes you pain. You don't owe them anything at this point.

Concentrate on Rich and your child. They are the ones who love you.

[Deuxcents]

33. We all want and need to be loved and you have that with your husband and son..give them all you've got

The people you want to say they’re sorry and love you are incapable of ever doing so. You are a survivor with a heart of gold and they can’t even comprehend that, let alone reciprocate. Don’t let them take one more second of your life..it’s too precious to be wasted on them 🥰

[KT2000]

34. They made their choices

and you are not responsible for the consequences of those choices.
Trauma like you experienced leaves scars and that is what you need to heal from - not take on more of their cruel behavior.
Just send them the phone numbers and addresses of the offices that will sign them up for whatever assistance they can get - but NOT you!
You make such fun posts, I am sad to hear what you have been through.
Please free yourself from this continued abuse. They will pour on the guilt but that is just manipulation and more abuse.
Take care of you!

[Mz Pip]

35. Their expectations

are not your problem. Their lack of willingness to take what they are entitled to by law isn’t your problem. Family or not, it’s time to go no contact with these people. They will never give you a moment’s peace.

The Bible says a lot of things. People are more than willing to cherry pick what suits them. Don’t let them guilt trip you with Bible references.

[Dear_Prudence]

37. Not too long.

I can't even imagine what you have been through. Somehow you have survived. Somehow you saved yourself. You keep our DU community together with your kindness and insight. In the top 4% of your class, you were a darn smart kid and now a darn smart woman. Please invest yourself wisely in the people and the pursuits that yield great dividends; dividends like love, fun, joy, creativity, peace, happiness, relaxation, personal agency, respect, and homemade pie. You deserve it all, dear debm55!

[Shellback Squid]

38. You are strong, i have terrible advice

[stage left]

39. Please

cut off all contact with the people who've abused you over a lifetime. Thay are never going to change.

[progressoid]

40. ...

...what everyone else said.

They said it better than I could.

[Gaugamela]

41. So sorry, Deb. You bring a lot of caring and light to everyone here. Knowing this makes it even more

valuable and appreciated.

[question everything]

42. I am so sorry deb. You always present a sunny image on these pages, showing so much courage

These people are toxic. Stay away from them. You have no responsibility to them. You have a loving, caring spouse. Just be happy with each other. And as others said, if you can, get professional help.

We all love you here.

[Radical Lutheran]

43. The Bible Does NOT say to put up with Abuse and Cruelty.

I agree with the previous responders.
CUT THESE PEOPLE out of your life like skin cancer or a wart.
"Loving" your family or your enemy, (in this case they count as both) means to Respect, Offer Care and Compassion. This is not a feeling. It is a choice of MUTUAL CARE, MUTUAL RESPECT and MUTUAL COMPASSION. They have none. They are abusive and have therefore CUT The Family Tie that Bonds them to you.
ABUSIVE PEOPLE will continue to be abusive until 1) You die or 2) they die. You are a beloved child of God. You deserve to be Loved, respected, cared FOR and Offered Compassion... qualities that clearly are beyond their capacity or willingness to offer. They are more than likely BORDERLINE PERSONALITIES with narcisistic tendencies.
CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Walk away and don't look back. They will be upset and claim to be victims. The Abuser always claims THEY are the victims when their abuse is the reason for their own isolation.

Yes talk with your Therapist. I HIGHLY recommend that. I had to work out my parents abuse over a decade in therapy. AND I went to Seminary for SIX (6) Years - partially to detangle the abuse of other church leaders who said I had to stay and continue to take the abuse because it was "God's Plan". I SAY NOW - F__K that S--t" God's plan is not cruel or abusive. Walk Away and pursue LOVE, RESPECT, CARE & COMPASSION. You cannot heal people who continue to abuse you.

As OPERAH once said "You can love people AND be grateful they are NO LONGER IN YOUR LIFE."

Peace and Blessings and Wholeness in this Advent Season,
Radical Lutheran

[Joinfortmill]

45. Deb, with all my heart I wish I could give you a warm motherly hug. And while giving you

that warm motherly hug, I would whisper in your ear two things:
You are worthy of love and respect. Walk away from these horrible, horrible people.

We have no choice in the families we are born into, nor are we required to stay with them. Walk away and don't look back.

[3Hotdogs]

48. I wish I could crawl into the computer wires, go to you and give you a hug.

[fierywoman]

51. Oh! This times 10,000 times!

[iemanja]

50. You don't owe your family anything

I wouldn't pay a time. They've put you through hell, and they don't deserve you. I'm so sorry that you had to endure such suffering.
It's unimaginable. But you don't need to continue those toxic relationships any longer. It's your choice what you do now.

[Trueblue Texan]

52. I also suffered abuse from family, though nothing as severe as you did.

Here is what I learned eventually: Nothing, NOTHING I ever did would please them. EVERYTHING I did would justify the way they chose to treat me. Every sacrifice I made would be framed as an inadequacy or an injury against them. So many, many hours, days, months, years were spent trying to explain myself, trying to give them the best of me until one day I realized 2 things: They were just f-cking crazy. They couldn’t listen to reason, couldn’t accept the truth about me because it would make them see their own inadequacies. I realized also, that unless I was willing to continue enduring their abuse, I had no other choice but to walk away from the relationships. I realized that the only reason I had been expecting them to understand or expecting the relationship to get better is because I had bought into their craziness and was embracing it as my own. I had accepted in some way that their abuse was my fault, that if only I had lived up to their expectations, I would have been treated better. I finally had to accept that lie was just another part of the abuse cycle, gaslighting, changing history, and turning my best efforts into something sinister and hateful. I learned to open my eyes fully and see the truth and I got the courage to walk away.

I had to grieve my family, long before they were gone. Each day I had to accept that the relationships I had worked so hard to create would never ever be. I had been trying to create something that was simply impossible to create with them It was a very bitter realization that I had wasted so many years of my life on something so utterly futile. I stayed away for everything except an occasional funeral and I didn’t engage with them when I did see them. Now they are all dead and I am the only sibling left. I have never once regretted my decision to finally walk away because I know, without any doubt whatsoever, that I did my very best to love them and make it work. But I finally had to accept who they were and accept that I didn’t deserve their abuse.

I don’t know if this helps you and I hope you don’t think I’m trying to tell you what you should feel or do. I just want you to know you are not alone and you have every right to demand to be appreciated and safe with those you love. You are no longer a child who didn’t have the choice or means to escape. As an adult, you have the ability to label the guilt and manipulation they offer for what it obviously is. As long as you stay in the relationship, you can only expect more abuse and more of their crazy making behavior. And the more you try to defend yourself from their abuse, the more weaponry you give them. You will not win with people this toxic. Fighting the battle only arms them more. I hope you know you are deserving of love and appreciation and you do not need to defend your behavior to people who are incapable of or simply refuse to see you for who you are.

Big hugs to you, sweet lady. You deserve better. Be strong and don’t buy their lies and guilt.

[niyad]

53. And we love you. Tell those fucking, monstrous parasites to go to hell.

They are NOT your responsibility. You owe them NOTHING. You might even tell them that if they contact you again, you will file harassment charges.

[The Roux Comes First]

54. I Am So Sorry You Had to Go Through All of This

[camartinwv]

55. They will never change. Cut off all contact and take of yourself. You owe them nothing.

[MetaphysicalMama]

57. Walked in your shoes.

Dear Debm55,
I am older than you and estranged myself from my family about 20 years ago. It was a little difficult at first, not answering letters, not answering the phone. Now I am more content and satisfied with life and try to focus on gratitude and things I like to do. I am very fortunate to now have a supportive husband.
My early life was bumpy, and I had to clean myself up (cigarettes, alcohol, suicidal), now I'm vegetarian. The first book I read that helped me was 'Codependent No More'; this was the genesis of my recovery. I am an extreme empath and developed clairaudience and a few other 'clairs after meditating for years. Unfortunately, this means I am aware of the darkness in others, now I know it is not my thinking. My mantra is: I forgive all of all and I forgive myself most of all. I bless people into their highest and best life and release them to Source/Angels.
I accept each and every individual I meet with as much compassion as possible and avoid toxic people if possible.
I have been both a nurse and a teacher, from my experiences in hospice care I learned that the purpose of life is to learn from your experiences and to seek the highest spiritual path of goodness and love that resonates with you. People like the Orange One will go screaming into death.
You are only in charge of your life. I send you Blessings and Strength. I know that sometimes it is difficult just to keep on keeping on. Search for help, ask for help --the universe will answer.
MM

[debm55]

115. Thank you, MetaphsicalMama.Love you, Debbie.

[SWBTATTReg]

58. Step away from the abuse, and start one step at a time. Remember you must take care of yourself, before you can care

for others. You're the top dog (and your husband, child of course). You.

Love you all.

[soldierant]

59. So they won't take money from the government

which exists to promote the general welfare - it says so in the Constitution - but they'll gladly steal from you. Excuse my language - but fuck them. There's some good advice above my comment - like changing your phone number. Moving far away to an unknown loxation would be good too, but it's probably not feasible. They are not good people. It sounds like the only good thing tour mother did in her entire life was to bring you into the world. You do not need to be surrounded by evil, nd you absolutely do not need to bankroll it. BE safe and get away.

[JoseBalow]

63. Everyone here loves you, Deb, and this is a tough room

I hope you can feel the validation in that. I appreciate you every day.

[KitFox]

64. Oh dearest Deb, I had no idea of the horrors you have endured. My heart is aching for you. You are the sweetest heart

and it is heartbreaking that you have had to endure all these years of hurt and pain from those who are supposed to love and protect you. It is testament to your courage, perseverance and kind nature that you survived and overcame horrendous circumstances. I want so much for all the sunshine, joy and fun you bestow on all of us to come back to you a thousand fold!!!! Oh how you deserve that. You know how Mr. Rogers always said when facing tragedy, look to the helpers. Please let your therapist and all of us be your helpers. We are your family and we care so very much for you! Those that have so gravely harmed you are who they are and do not deserve even a thought from you much less any assistance. We all love and care for you. We are here every day with our love and gentle hugs for you dear heart. 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[Duncanpup]

65. Hugs Deb.

Just burn the bridges to your family. You owe them nothing yet in reading this post i know you are a kind caring person that grew up in shit family.
They are not going to change they are not healthy people. If you let them they’ll suck whatever peace and happiness you have left.

[debm55]

122. Thank you Duncanpup,

[multigraincracker]

66. Sounds like PTSD. Hope you look at DU as

a safe place for you to go to feel accepted and loved. We are here for you

[debm55]

116. TY very much , multigraincracker

[Mike Nelson]

67. You're not alone.

[debm55]

101. TY Mike Nelson

[Sanity Claws]

68. Break free from your birth family.

Learning when to say no and walk away is a valuable lesson. I saw earlier in this thread that you want them to say that they are sorry. You aren't going to ever hear it from them, at least not while you continue to obey them and give them reason to think they are right.
In hindsight years later they might be sorry and regret their actions but you are not going to hear it while you still engage with them.
Remember your well-being is not conditioned on the actions of anyone else. Take care of yourself.

BTW, I broke free from my birth family. Their behavior was not as horrific as what you experienced but I knew I was not valued or wanted. The only regret is that I didn't do it earlier.

Good luck to you.

[debm55]

99. TY very much, Sanity Claws.

[justaprogressive]

69. These people SHOULD BE IN JAIL!

Dear Deb, why are you even still in contact with your abusers?

I would have disconnected my phone and moved to another state!

They are not worthy of your forgiveness. They can accept the government's
help or not, but their decision does NOT MEAN you're responsible for their bills!

Cut the cord Deb.

[debm55]

98. My husband called earlier and told my sister he would take her to the Senior Center. If you she does't go, she is on her

own. My will is made out and not a penny is set to go to them. But to my own son

[justaprogressive]

100. Well done.

[debm55]

102. TY

[debm55]

132. Thank you justaprogressive. My friend.

[KitFox]

71. Thinking of you this morning, Deb and hoping you could get some sleep last night. Always remember you have a load of

shoulders among us to help you battle. I am in awe of your courage! Sending love, care and gentle hugs🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[debm55]

96. I didn't get any sleep, but I feel better now. TY KitFox.

[lucca18]

72. Deb, you are so loved here, at the DU.

You are so kind and caring.

I am so sorry that you endured, (and continue to endure) emotional, hateful and cruel attacks from your family.
I hope you find peace.
You have your husband to help you through the stress and pain.

You are so loved.
You are a good person.
❤️

[debm55]

93. Thank you , lucca18

[MustLoveBeagles]

73. OMG 😮

I didn't know! I'm so sorry. You don't have to put up with their shit. You have value as a person. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

[debm55]

92. TY very much,

[MustLoveBeagles]

94. Back at ya

[OldBaldy1701E]

76. HUGS to you, wonderful Deb!

Cut them out completely. Ignore them from now on.

Live your life. Away from the toxicity of those who did not value or love you.

You are special to us and we do not like it when you are unhappy. Please take some good vibes!

[debm55]

91. Thank you very much.

[ProfessorGAC]

77. The Heck With Them

Everybody else's problems are just that. Their problems, not yours.
I'm a strong believer in the notion that if your family is not compromised of people you'd have chosen as friends, the relationship is an accident of birth & nothing more.
And to heck with biblical instructions.
Many of these people were bad to you. Ignoring them & their problems isn't a failing on your part. It's "What goes around comes around."
You worry about you & Rich

[debm55]

90. Thank you my friend.

[Sea A Chell]

78. Please take care of yourself

I'm so sorry you went through what you did. Hugs to you. I agree your abusers should be in jail. You owe them nothing. Please consider changing your phone number or blocking them on your cell. You deserve respect and peace.

[debm55]

89. Thank you , Sea A Chell.

[Vinca]

79. Good lord - cut all ties with these people immediately! Life isn't supposed to be torture and that's what they've made

yours. Be grateful they don't have photos of your family in the house. Keep them away from those crazy people, too. It's amazing they aren't in jail after what they did to you. You have no obligation to give them a dime or ever be in their presence again. Your husband sounds like a gem - focus on him and to hell with them. You poor thing. I can't imagine what you've been through.

[debm55]

87. Thank you my friend,

[pandr32]

103. Every word of this hurts my heart.

Every child deserves to be properly cared for and loved. I am so sorry to hear your background story, and as a survivor of abuse and violence myself I know these things never leave you.
You are one of the most special people. Don't you forget it for one second!
Many days you have brightened up mine.
Respect to you, and many hugs.

[debm55]

114. Thank you pandr32

[Clouds Passing]

105. Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs and many more Hugs, Deb

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are caring and cared for. You are loved. You are smart. You are fun.

Time for No Contact, best thing I ever did to my abusive family, best thing I did for my health and well being.

[debm55]

107. Thank you very much, Clouds Passing.

[PittBlue]

110. Take care of yourself, your husband and son.

You owe those monsters nothing. I lived in Westmoreland County my whole life until 4 years ago and we moved to Cleveland to be near our oldest son. I taught in Fayette County. I knew way too many people in both areas that sound like your family.🤬 I would never move back there.

[debm55]

112. Thank you very much PittBlue. Oh, my father worked roe Carrier in Jeannette. He made good money, nice house. But what

inside the house was a nightmare. PS I was a teacher also for 44 years. I went to Norwin, HS.

[sinkingfeeling]

111. Just say 'No'. Stop allowing them to destroy your life. You are under no obligation to pay for or nurse any of them. And

that includes Biblically. I'm a real hard-a*s.

[debm55]

113. Thank you sinkingfeeling.