I'm coming here for advice/support, don't know where to turn

[Mossfern]

14 years ago I adopted 3 kittens - really adorable little fellers/gal who grew up to be great friends and frenimies.
Broccoli, Gus and Violet. Broccoli and Gus became best buddies - Broccoli would harass Violet and Gus would protect her honor.
It came to pass that about 3 years ago Gus developed diabetes and I've been medicating him every day since. Their meals centered around his meds. Broccoli, the scamp and harasser, Violet, shy, therefore her name and Gus, the most lovable cat there ever was - a great confidante and emotional support guy, actually checking on people's breathing while they slept - the favorite of the grand kids.

Tragically, Gus succumbed to a huge blood clot in his aorta yesterday morning. I was able to be with him stroking his cheek and holding his paw as he slipped away at the emergency vet.. I'm totally heartbroken and have randomly broken out into tears an sobs throughout the day today.

But this is not the advice I seek.
Broccoli has taken up camp in my bed and will not come downstairs. I think he's in mourning.
What can I do to ameliorate his pain? In all these years he has never spent a day without his brother Gus.
My heart is now twice broken.

I'll entertain any suggestions.

Thanks

[LuckyCharms]

1. I'm very sorry for your loss.

One of my neighbor's dogs is also grieving the loss of his companion dog.

I'm not an expert on this type of thing, but I did find this:

https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/helping-your-grieving-pet

[Mossfern]

7. Thank you

I'll take a look

[montanacowboy]

2. So sorry

He will work through it; give him lots of cuddles and bring food to him if he won't go to his bowl. In time both of you will mend and be fine Hugs

[quaint]

3. So very sorry for your loss.

Have you tried taking Violet up to Broccoli? Maybe their grief would unite them.

[Attilatheblond]

4. Give Broccoli (and yourself) time. But make sure he is drinking water and eating at least a little

Might be good to have several water bowls around the house, especially in your bedroom if that is where he is spending most of his time. Keep food bowl away from water bowl is the advice I always got re cats, and it does seem like they will drink more water when the water is not where their food bowl is.

Just keep an eye on him. Lots of loves, which will help both of you. Some cats do grieve, they have feelings, but most come around after a bit. Just make sure he is drinking water and at least nibbling some food. Talk to him, let him know you are sad too. Pamper him a little, and be VERY kind to yourself. After all the time you lavished excellent care on sweet Gus, it's a big loss for you. Don't feel guilty about Gus' passing. It happens and throwing a clot would not give any warning, there was nothing you could have done to save sweet Gus.

They don't live long enough and they leave with part of our hearts. Sending you cyber hugs and pats for Broccoli and Violet. If there was a blanket or such that Gus spent time on, keep it available to Broccoli. The scent of his brother may help ease the transition of life without him.

But make sure he's drinking water. That is really important. A little chicken broth, low sodium type, might be good if you see he isn't drinking as much as usual.

Keep us posted. Lots of people here care. Know we would share your pain if we could so you wouldn't feel so much right now.

[Mossfern]

9. Thank you for giving me such understanding advice.

I went and lay down in my bed near Broccoli - Gus used to hang out there with him. I gave him some soft pets and told him that I know how he feels. He did come downstairs a few minutes ago to use the litter box - It's almost dinner time. I'm keeping the same feeding schedule that I needed to do for Gus's medication. I think it would help to have some consistency.

[Attilatheblond]

19. Your inner wisdom is serving you and the cat kids well

Time will ease things for Gus, but it will take a bit of time for him to adjust.

[homegirl]

22. Cats usually

mourn for about three weeks. Mourn together and comfort one another...

[chouchou]

5. Another kitty? That's what I'd do and let them eventually bond..

[mzmolly]

6. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a similar situation recently with our beloved tabby. She passed away with what was thought a brain tumor. Her cat brother is mourning by being very clingy and her dog sister, looked for her and sniffs the spot where she rested before going to the ER.

I've been saying the name of our cat while talking to our pets. Letting them know that we understand they also miss her. The seem to pick up a bit and while it may sound crazy, they appear to understand that we know why their grieving.

[Mossfern]

11. Broccoli and I have been having conversations about it.

Thanks for the hug - I needed that.

[eppur_se_muova]

8. Has he viewed the body ? That seems to help them understand that their friend is "gone", in a different way ...

... than what they're used to.

Let him spend a little time with it, so he knows it's not temporary.

Not sure if that helps but worth a try.

[Mossfern]

10. He was present before we went to the vet

I think he understood that Gus was in great pain. Gus could hardly lift his head and was crying out. We left Gus's remains with the vet.
I think Broccoli knew that something was up.

[eppur_se_muova]

12. Even humans do not always accept a death until they attend the funeral. Animals may show the same behavior.

If it's been cremated, too late, I can understand.

But seeing his friend in pain and the situation not being resolved where he can see it may be what's bothering him.

[Mossfern]

13. Gus was euthanized at the vet

no opportunity.
The vet advised that there was no hope for his survival. I didn't want him to suffer any longer. We said our goodbyes after he was given massive doses of pain meds - so we would have " quality" time together before he crossed the Rainbow Bridge..

[eppur_se_muova]

14. Seems to be some mistunderstanding -- I'm just suggesting he be allowed to view the body.

If the vet has already disposed of the body, of course, it's too late.

We had our cats cremated. The vet could arrange to have the body sent directly to the crematorium, but we brought the first one home so her sister could view her, and understand that she had passed on, to whatever extent she could.

[Nanuke]

15. My kitty Samson suffered mightily when his littermate BMO died.

He hid and would not eat. At night he meowed all over the house in agony. I was really worried about him. I adopted a new kitty from a shelter to distract him. Within a week he was eating and not hiding. After about 2 months he was cuddling with baby kitty Nora and licking her head. He is very protective of her now, like he once was of BMO. E.g. he will not touch his food until he sees her starting on hers for morning feedings.

[Solly Mack]

16. I'm so sorry about Gus.

I hope Broccoli finds peace with his grief. I hope you both do.

[Keepthesoulalive]

17. Animals grieve

Let her work through her pain, give her cuddles and comfort. She will come around in her own time. If she does not eat for an extended period of time consult your vet.

[Marthe48]

18. You can find calming cat music on You Tube

I discovered chakras when my husband was fighting cancer and the stomach chakras seemed to help him. I found cat chakras when my last elderly kitty passed. I figured what the heck, give it a try. She had gotten got really sick in Dec. and I didn't think she'd last until Christmas. But I played the chakra sounds and babied her. To my surprise, she pulled out of her ailment and lived until the following May, about 22 years old. There are many to choose from. I used a spare device and put it near her.

I adopted my friend's elderly cat and when she decided to go on to her 10th life, I played the calming cat music/chakras for her. I think it helped her reunite with my friend.

I am sorry for your loss. The kitties are lucky you have given them such a loving life.

[LuvLoogie]

20. You can't rush grief or mitigate it.

You and your other two kitties have to just be there for each other in your own ways.

At some point, when you're ready. See if anyone with a new litter might bring a few kittens over for a visit and seehow it goes.

[cate94]

21. I'm sorry

[AltairIV]

23. Deeply sorry for your loss.

Your instincts seem to be guiding you well, i would continue to follow them.

[allegorical oracle]

24. Know how you feel...just lost my kitty a couple of weeks ago. I'm the "cat lady"

of my family -- had six at one time, but I live in the country. My advice is to comfort Broccoli but let him decide in his own time to rejoin Violet and you.

A friend of mine lost his wife last year and one of their cats was really close to her. Like Broccoli, he stayed up in their bedroom for a couple of weeks. Then he emerged and has gradually gotten back to normal.

{{hugs}}

[in2herbs]

25. My answer would be "time." My cats are still mourning the loss of my GS and it has been a year. nt

[ProfessorGAC]

26. Just Let The Kitty Mourn

Give them attention.
It's not like we can rationally explain things to our pets. We just have to keep them happy.

[LoisB]

27. I am so sorry for the loss of Gus.

[Jarqui]

28. We had a Tom-like cat who fathered 3 kittens

We wound up keeping one of the kittens
They became very close.

One day, a neighbor beat the young cat, his son, to death because it left a little bit of its fur on their basement windowsill.
We let his father see him before getting him cremated. We felt it was important - that he just not disappear and leave the father wondering and looking.

The father went beside our house outside and howled all day for 2-3 weeks. I never expected that nor had realized the extent of the bond they had.

Eventually, we tried to get another kitten as a companion to fill the void but it wasn't the same. They didn't get along that well. We eventually had to get rid of that young cat as it became hostile to our young children.

We did everything we could but the father never really got completely over it - just like people.
Having said that, I'm sure our efforts helped some to ease his emotional pain.

[pazzyanne]

29. So sorry for the loss you and your fur babies are going thru, Mossfern.

RIP, Gus.
Hugs for Violet , Broccoli , and you

[Wicked Blue]

30. I'm so sorry that you lost Gus

Just let Broccoli go through his grieving, and comfort each other.

[xuplate]

31. Do you have any video recordings of Gus? Or would that make things worse?

[Mossfern]

33. My kids are compiling a photo album

I've got a bunch of photos on my phone too.
No videos.

[70sEraVet]

32. I'm sorry for your loss, Mossfern. I don't have any advice for you.

But I have to tell you, that I am touched by your compassionate feelings for your loved ones ( who just happen to be cats). One of the things that has drawn and kept me on this site, is that not a day goes by, that there is some fine example of human decency and love for all living things.
Thank you, Mossfern, for helping keep up my optimism.
I hope your family weathers through.

[Fla Dem]

34. Thank you for posting your sad story. I am so sorry for your tragic loss.

I hope Broccoli recover from his loss. Give him lots of loving if he allows it. Maybe a kitten at some point for him to bond with and take care of.

All the best to both of you.

[CTyankee]

35. I never grieved so damn hard as I did when my beloved Marvy died.

She was with us for so long and then we had to put her to sleep. Hubby buried her next to a tree on our property. No marking for her little grave. She died in my arms at the vet's office., as I whispered "Good girl" into her ear, to comfort her...

I never wanted to have a pet after that because I couldn't go through it again.

[Clouds Passing]

36. Gus 😿

Broccoli 😢 I’m sorry for your loss. Cuddle with Violet.

I'm sorry for your loss, Mossfern. Cuddling with Broccoli and Violet might help a little.