There is something that none of us should overlook, especially me

[DFW]

Yesterday, as I was posting about having known my wife for 51 years, another member of the community posted about losing his wife. As kind as fate was to me, that is how cruel fate was to our fellow DU member, Kentuck. It could just as easily been me. Or anyone else.

We were out celebrating while he was miserable. There is nothing my wife or I could have done to make things better for him, but we won’t forget, either.

[MiHale]

1. Hit home...

We’re married for 52 years now…known each other since high school. Live a pretty routine life in the early morning…she did not come out of the bedroom at the usual time…slight worry after about 15 minutes…had to go check…yes still breathing. Then later read about kentuck.

Every single minute is a blessing.

[JMCKUSICK]

2. You are so right DFW, and we are all so

Much better off for your poignant reminder.
Much love to you for your humble acknowledgement.

[littlemissmartypants]

3. ❤️

[MaineBlueBear]

4. The fickle finger of Fate finds us all someday

Be well and treat each other well.

[DFW]

13. I can't agree more. n/t

[OldBaldy1701E]

30. Of course, she uses her entire hand on some. (n/t)

[COL Mustard]

5. You are very compassionate

I’m sure Kentuck appreciates that.

[paleotn]

6. So true.

As my mom often said "but for the grace of God go you and I." She believed deeply that it was God's grace. I believe it's the randomness of the universe we live in. Doesn't really matter what one believes, the truth remains. I'm at a point in my life where I've lost a number of good friends and family and can't help but wonder why them and not me. Every day is a precious gift. Live it to the fullest.

My deepest sympathy to Kentuck.

[DFW]

27. I also believe in the randomness of the universe.

Last edited Sat Jul 26, 2025, 06:10 PM - Edit history (1)

There is an expressions that seems to guide Republicans: “If you’re rich, you deserve it, and if you’re poor, you deserve it.” My version is that those who are “rich,” — already a vague term at best— occasionally deserve it, and those who are poor almost never deserve it.

I have also lost friends and family. My best friend in Spain dropped of a heart attack at age 38. My wife’s brother, as well as an aunt of mine, and one her children, all died of glioblastoma (like Cecile Richards and John McCain). Sometimes, it’s just time, and neither justice or fairness will save us.

[Mr.Bee]

7. I lost my Darling Wife at age 25

you never recover.
Life simply goes on.

[returnee]

10. Lost my wife of 17 years at age 39.

You are right. The love and pain of loss persists. We can only accommodate and carry on.

[Farmer-Rick]

8. Yeah, lost my spouse that I've known for 37 years

I lost them about 6 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I miss them every day.

At the funeral a former friend was bragging, yes bragging as if it were a competition that I had lost, about how they had been married for 40 plus years. Everyone got quiet and looked down at there feet. Did I mention this was at the funeral?

Does it matter? It's never enough time with a loved one. Time makes fools of us all.

[DFW]

16. How anyone could brag as if it were a contest is beyond me.

Some are greater fools than others.

[Beartracks]

26. OMG. Is this why they are now a "former friend"?

[Farmer-Rick]

32. Yes

She was very nice up to that point. I don't talk to her anymore.

[calimary]

9. Just focusing on sending love and strength to Kentuck.

It matters. It makes a difference. Just some little reminder that you’re not alone can be helpful, at least to the morale. Thanks, DFW.

We WON’T forget, either.

[chouchou]

11. One wonderful trait we Left-Wingers carry around in our minds, is our Empathy.

Brings happiness and deep understanding for others. Even in sadness... We feel alive!

[DFW]

14. Well put

I don’t apologize for my good fortune.

I don’t look away when others are struck with bad fortune.

[90-percent]

12. Lost my wife of 25 years

Ten years ago.

-90% jimmy

[DFW]

15. I'll bet it feels like yesterday. n/t

[CaliforniaPeggy]

17. Your empathy knows no bounds, my dear DFW . . .

It's central to who you are. And it's central to your own goodness.



We cannot take away another person's grief, but we can remember it.

[NJCher]

18. There is a form of grief therapy

That is highly effective in these situations. Unfortunately the therapist has to be certified by the American Psychological Association and they might not be available in remote areas of the country.

It is 70% effective in one visit.

It was originated by a psychologist at a veteran’s hospital and was even more effective than 70% with vets who had PTSD and other problems resulting from death of a colleague in battle.

The list of certified therapists is in the back of this book the psychologist wrote. Later today I will look up the title and add it to my post. Everyone facing this situation should record the title and keep it in a safe place, just in case.

[DFW]

19. Thanks for this.

I’m sure that more than one of us could use that info, if not now, then some day.

[NJCher]

23. Here's an excerpt from the book about

how he originated this method of grief therapy:

This book presents the story of the discovery of this therapeutic method, case studies of people who have been healed by it, and the procedure used to induce the psychological state necessary for the experience to occur.

The book includes a large number of combat-veteran cases. The reason is that I was a psychotherapist on a post-traumatic stress disorder unit at a Veterans Administration hospital for twenty years. I had a large number of veterans working through traumatic memories and feelings of loss from their experiences in combat who had the after-death communication experience. I have found, however, that the approach to therapy and the resulting after-death communication experiences are identical to those of civilian cases.

Title: Induced After-Death Communication by Dr. Alan Botkin.

He makes no claims about the afterlife. He just talks about this form of therapy and how it works.

[wordstroken]

25. Thank you so much, NJCher. I have downloaded a copy of Alan Botkin's book.

I’m looking forward to reading it tonight and hoping it helps.
❤️

🦋 wordstroken

[Farmer-Rick]

34. Yeah, that hope of seeing the dead loved one again

Is what has kept so many people tied unnecessarily to religion.

As an Atheist and a skeptic, that loss of a belief in an afterlife was at first very difficult to take. It meant I would never see my parents, spouse and friends again. But in the end, I realized I would rather face reality then be fed lies. Replacing grief with magical thinking does not seem like a good solution.

[NJCher]

35. did you not catch

the phrase about how the author does not say this is the afterlife?

Careful reading, please.

[Farmer-Rick]

36. After death communication implies an afterlife

How can you talk to the dead if they aren't living in some kind of death world?

[justaprogressive]

20. I'd already be dead without her...

[1WorldHope]

21. There is loss in my past and there will be loss in my future.

I am statistically likely to lose my husband before he loses me. I can't imagine that future, but I know someday that will most likely be reality. I'm sorry for Kentuck being the prize winner this time. My mom died when I was a kid and the reality of death has never left me. I'm not afraid to die anymore, I just think it sucks and it should be outlawed, which is ridiculous.

[lastlib]

22. "To those who come here rejoicing,,,,

To those who come here in sorrow,
Sympathy and Greeting--
So have we done in our time."
--Author Unknown

[1WorldHope]

24. We are all just walking each other home.

[bronxiteforever]

28. An important reminder for me.. Thank you for posting this. N/t

[Evolve Dammit]

29. Well said.

[markie]

31. I do not overlook

The good in my life…. these past 7 years I have lost my mother, my father, a son, a daughter and my husband…. somehow we carry on and I choose to live each day letting the people still around me know how much I love them….
The empathy is strong and knowing kentuck’s loss I hurt for him…. I hope for him to be ok in time

[Farmer-Rick]

33. OMG what a rough 7 years.

I am so sorry for your losses.

The fickle finger of fate will crush us all. This is why competition, judgement and lack of compassion can be so destructive. You never know how difficult someone else's life has been.

I remember a story told to me by a friend about a father on the subway with three kids under 8. The kids were acting up, yelling and getting in the way. So my friend goes up to the father and says, "can't you keep your kids under control?" The father says he's so sorry he didn't realize. They were coming back from the hospital where their mother had just passed away.

Things always look easier from the outside.