OMG OMG I JUST WON 13 MILLION DOLLARS AND A RANGE ROVER!!!!

[LuckyCharms]

I'm doing some work at my desk and I just got a spam call. I put him on speaker phone while continuing to work. I was yelling my answers to this guy.

Snippets of the conversation:

Him: You have won $13 Million Dollars and a choice of a Range Rover, a Mercedes, or a BMW!

Me; THAT'S FANTASTIC! WHAT A WEEK IT HAS BEEN! I MADE $900,000 ON A SHORT SALE YESTERDAY! PRAISE JESUS!

Him: What vehicle would you like sir?

Me: I'LL TAKE THE RANGE ROVER!!!!

Him: What color would you like sir?

Me: BLACK!!!!!!!!

Him: Are you retired sir?

Me: YES I'M A FORMER ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER AND I NEED THE RANGE ROVER BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF ANIMALS!!!

Him: What kind of animals do you have sir?

Me: I HAVE DOGS, CATS, PIGS, LAMBS, HORSES....

Him: Do you have a CVS Pharmacy near you sir?

Me: YES I DO!!!

Him: We will deliver the Range Rover tomorrow at 1000AM

Me: FANTASTIC!

Him: For the Range Rover, we will need you to pay a small $500 delivery fee.

Me: FANTASTIC! I'M FUCKING LOADED UP WITH CASH!!!!

Him: I'll need you to go to CVS and buy a $500 money pak scratch card.

Me: LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN!!!! A MONEY BACK SNATCH CARD!!!!

Him: No sir, listen carefully, a money pak scratch card.

Me: GOTCHA!!! MONEY BACK SNATCH CARD!!!! OKAY!!! PRAISE JESUS WHAT A WEEK IT'S BEEN!!!

Him: Sir, it's a money pak scratch card, and if they ask you why you're buying it...

Me: I'LL TELL THEM TO FUCK RIGHT OFF AND MIND THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!!!!

Him: Laughing. Ok sir.

ME: I'LL GIVE YOU SOME CASH WHEN YOU COME TOO!!!!

Him: No sir, I just need the money pak scratch card...

Me: OKAY!!! I NEED THE RANGE ROVER FOR MY ANIMALS!!!!

On and on like this for a record setting 35 minutes. It helped pass the time while doing my work.

[Blue Owl]

1. Those Saudi Princes are so generous!

[Emile]

9. LOL 😆

[dchill]

13. EVERYBODY knows that!

[ZDU]

2. lmfao

[Srkdqltr]

3. That is so funny.

You had more fun than i did. A woman called me to offer insurance against identity theft. Asked me if I did business online. I said I know enough not to give you any information over the phone. Send me info in the mail. And I hung up.

[badhair77]

4. Gee, I never get calls giving me something.

I get a lot of calls trying to sell me windows, solar, etc. and I tell them I can’t afford anything because of trump’s economy. Then I go into a flu-blown anti-trump rant. They hang up. One guy at the door ran away. I almost look forward to the calls now. I feel great afterward. 😎

[homegirl]

49. I cannot resist

working out all my repressed frustration, I respond in a language only utilized by 5 million people. Or I let it all hang out in the ever useful 1980's primal scream...

[Deuxcents]

5. Lucky is your first name for sure 🤣

[LauraInLA]

6. That is hilarious. Thank you for making my day!

[rsdsharp]

7. Boy, you really are Lucky, and you're going to need to be!

Those Range Rovers break all the time! You may wish you’d chosen the Mercedes or Bimmer.

[Emile]

8. LOL, it's exhausting dealing with spammers.

I quit answering their calls and surprisingly their calls are less frequent.

I figure if it's really someone trying to legitimately get ahold of me, they will leave a message.

[Iamscrewed]

10. Deadly hilarity

I always offer them cash if they will come to my house to collect, they always hang up.

[Raven123]

11. You provided a public service by occupying that scammer

Saved someone else

[kiri]

29. Bring on SEX

I found that introducing SEX really stops them.

1. We're doing sex now. Call back tomorrow.
2. We're having sex now. Go get your own sex with your girl/boy friend. Don't bother us. .......... Optional: What? you don't have a girl who wants you?
3. Everybody has sex on their birthday. It's a great Christian and Hindu tradition. You had sex on your birthday, right? Repeat.
4. We follow in the path of Kama Sutra. Did you have sex last night with your girlfriend? No need to be embarrassed or ashamed--- Sex is perfectly natural and normal.

Since I started this, my scam calls have gone from 8-10 per day to almost zero.

[Jerry2144]

12. I once had Microsoft Windows troubleshooting call me

And try to do a scan to take over my computer. I played dumb and tried following their directions. They would say to press the windows key, then a bunch of other keys to enable them to take remote control. I kept telling them I didn’t seer the option or things they wanted. They were getting frustrated. Agree about 10 minutes they finally asked me details about the computer. I let them know it’s running Debian Linux that’s why their scan didn’t work. They cussed at me and hung up

[dflprincess]

14. I did something similar with that call once

strung them along until I finally said "I'm surprised Microsoft is interested in fixing my MAC."

They hung up.

[mdbl]

42. The earllest scams I would get was about Windows

I had used only Macs since 1984 which tipped me off right away. It was a lucky way to learn about it early.

[markodochartaigh]

17. At work

I told tech support that the windows didn't have keys, only the doors.

[lastlib]

25. I got one telling me my Windows was infected with a virus......

I told them I just washed them a few days ago, and they look clean, they don't look sick to me. He said no, the windows on my computer. I told him my computer doesn't have a window; if I want to look inside it, I have to take the cover off. He said it was on my hard drive, and I told him my car was comfortable, the last drive I took wasn't hard at all.
He hung up. What'd I say wrong??

[dflprincess]

15. What a coincidence - I have won several sweepstakes in the last couple weeks

I led one guy along for a little bit until he got made at me for "wasting his time" (seriously, he said that).

Next time I win, I'm following your script.

[xuplate]

16. Lol

You are so terrible—-I love it.

[Buddyzbuddy]

18. What color interior did you pick?

[3auld6phart]

19. Gang

Tha at was funny. I vis thinking it was A Nigerian prince.

[Kali]

20. I love you

[Bobstandard]

21. Have you seen the reverse scammers on YouTube?

Some savvy white-hat hackers track down scammer sweat shops, break into their computer systems, sometimes even their video surveillance systems. Then they get the scammers on the phone,c all them by name, and mess with their heads. The best is when they have such control that they copy the scammers databases, tell them they’re going to erase them, then do it right before their eyes. The consternation of the scammers is priceless!

[orleans]

22. got a link to one of those? sounds funny nt

[Bobstandard]

26. Search Scammer Payback nt

[GReedDiamond]

28. There is a YouTube channel called...

...Scammer Payback.

It can be very entertaining.

[mdbl]

41. KitBoga is one of the originals at wasting scammers time on youtube

I spent too many hours watching and laughing with him.

[ClaudetteCC]

46. Pleasant green highlights a wide variety of scams

Kitboga is a master improv artist. I also think Rinoa Poison is truly gifted in the way she slowly boils the tempers of the scammers.
I found them as i started getting scores of scam calls per day. I ended up changing my phone number

[orleans]

23. this is just HYSTERICAL! thanks for the laughs nt

[Marthe48]

24. lolol

Inspiring

[sueh]

27. OMG, this is hilarious 🤣. You made my day.

[Chipper Chat]

30. I had one similar to yours.

This call was from Publishers Clearing House. I played along and pretended to buy the gift card at CVS. He told me to open it and read him the numbers. I was in my car and said "oh shit, somebody just rear ended me. I have to call them police. Call me back tomorrow. "

[lapfog_1]

31. "sir, you have called a murder scene... Just how well did you know

Mr. Lucky Charms?
Now I need you to stay on the phone here because we have a few questions...
What was the nature of your business with Mr. Lucky Charms!
Now this call is being traced as we speak... and the local police in your jurisdiction will be called to your location...
So now I need to ask you a few questions...
You say he won $13M dollars... who else might have been aware of this windfall?
Some would say that this gives you a prime motive to kill Mr. Lucky Charms... So I am going to need you to tell me where you have been in the last 24 hours!"

[LogDog75]

32. When I get those types of calls, sometimes I like to have fun with them

I got a call from "Microsoft" saying my computer was infected and he needed me to allow him remote access to it. I told him, "You do know, don't you, that I work for Microsoft?" He hung up immediately.

Another one called and said it has been a year since I had my heating/air conditioner serviced and he wanted to schedule an appointment for me. I asked him "What date was it last serviced?" He said he didn't have that information available but they did service it last year. I then asked him how could that be since I don't have a heating/air condition unit in my home? He said "I don't have time for this shit" to which I responded "Remember, you called me. I didn't call you" at which time he hung up.

Like I to tell people, "My parents may have had their faults but raising mentally deficient children was not one of them."

[OverBurn]

54. I've told them that I only run Linux, I don't own Microsoft anything. They usually hang up pretty fast.

One day this guy called with really strong Indian accent. So I decided to mess with him. I keep telling him he had a sexy voice. What was he wearing, I was wearing baby oil and nothing else. He cussed me out in broken english and hung up. It was a lot of fun.

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

33. LMFAO... thanks for sharing!!

[iemanja]

34. How does it help him if you buy a scratch pad?

He can't control where the money goes. It seems strange, though for sure it's a scam.

[Jarqui]

35. I strung them along as long as I could when I had some time to kill

But some of them clued in and tried some payback:
Scammers started to call several times per day - 5-6 times per hour.
So I changed my voicemail to "BEEP BEEP ... this number is out of service ... BEEP ,, BEEP ..."
(whatever ... an official recording)
Any number calling me that isn't in my contact list got that.
It quickly calmed down after that.

[C Moon]

36. That was such a fun read!!!

[AdamGG]

37. Unfortunately, my name is Scam Likely

and no one ever takes my calls. Seriously, I never answer these calls, so I haven't had these conversations.

[TlalocW]

38. I like keeping them on the line too. My best is 30 minutes

I had a fake credit card in my wallet (magazine insert) so I could keep the numbers straight so when it failed the first time, I could say, "Oh, I mixed up two numbers." Failed again, "Oh, those are worn-down 8s not 0s," etc. Normally they figure out I'm messing with them, curse me out and hang up, but this guy got his "manager" to see if he could figure me out.

Manager: Hello, am I speaking to the cardholder?
Me: Yes.
Manager: And what is the last name on the card?
Me: Keyface
Manager: Thank you, Mr. Keyface. And the first name?
Me: Don.
Manager: So I'm speaking with Mr. Don Keyface?
Me: Yes.

Cue 10 seconds of silence followed by cursing me out, and me making fun of them for wasting so much time on me.

[Hekate]

39. All you guys are a riot

[Aussie105]

40. That's nothing!

I'm currently waiting for that suitcase full of gold that Nigerian Prince promised to send me.

Nice chap, he was! Realizes I deserve to be rich, and not many people do realize that!

Seriously though, get them to stop telling you what is in it for you, and ask instead . . . what is in it for them?
You soon work out where the scammy-scam bit comes in.

Little known fact: No one, I repeat no one, rings you with an offer of a 'good deal' without there being some twist that turns it sour for you.
(This nugget of truth can also apply to politicians.)

[Just Jerome]

43. When they want a credit card

I give them a two digit number. They ask for the rest and I tell them it was my underwear size and that’s the only number they’ll get. Hang up.

OK, so I lie about my underwear size.

[JohnnyRingo]

44. I like to tell them I'm hard of hearing and they have to speak up.

...so they try again. I let them go through the whole pitch and repeat something back that is incorrect.
I reiterate that I cant hear and they have to talk louder, calling them Sonny, so they try again.
This goes on until they're practically screaming into the phone.

Then I tell them "Jesus Christ, you don't have to yell at me".

[peacebuzzard]

45. The best thing is I have done is to get a spam control feature on my phone.

Only listed contacts can get through to me.
Everyone else leaves a message that gets filtered and reviewed.
it has helped control my bp.

[SpankMe]

47. Monkey rack snatch card? What was that? n/t

[BubbaJoe]

48. My telemarketer experience

My wife gave me the phone (land line - this was a few years back) since she knows I like to play around with the telemarketers:

Him - I can offer you a home refiniance of 250,000 (I live in a manufactured home I paid 51K for in 2000).

Me - OK

Him - I just need to ask you a few questions, what kind of home do you have?

Me - so you are offering 250k and don't know what house I have?

Him, well sir we make these offers and just have to verify our information.

Me - OK, I live in a cardboard box down by the river.

Him - With a phone

Me - it's a very nice cardboard box.

Him - well sir let me give you this information if you change you mind (starts rattling off 800 number, terms, other stuff).

Me - you think I am really writing this down?

Him - you can write it on the wall of the cardboard box.

Me - there you go.

We hung up.

[Fil1957]

50. I once got a call where I won $1,000,000, if I paid a $100 handling fee. So

I told the man on the phone to take it out of my winnings, and just write me a check for $999,900. The next and last thing I heard was "click".

[malaise]

51. Bwaaaaah

Thanks for the laugh😀

I was at a gas station shop last week and the cashier was cracking me up. She just received a message about highway toll fees that “she owed” and was ordered to pay immediately. She was doubling over with laughter as she had neither a driver’s license nor a car.😂😀😂

[creeksneakers2]

52. I've had about 100 Facebook friends who were Nigerian scam artists

Apparently they have places where they meet and exchange information so they shared my name. I never gave them any money but apparently just getting the name of somebody who accepts friend requests from strangers is very valuable to them. I've since stopped doing that., since I found out that when failing with me they went after others on my friends list.

It was an adventure and tons of laughs while it lasted. One of the first ones told me this:

"My love for you can't be defined in words. I love you for what you are. I love you for your clear heart. I love you for all the things that you do. You know it is true, you know for sure. Now, I can't really live without you. Baby! You play the most important role in my life. Just want to say, that I truly love you will love you till the end of time. Blessed to have you in my life." I ended up having to block that one.

[allegorical oracle]

53. Hilarious...loved it! nt

[Niagara]

55. 277 Recs so far, Lucky!

AND....................

You made it to 20K milestones! Congratulations.


Thank you for the serious discussions. Thank you for the fun discussions and everything else in between.

You are appreciated here.


Todays word is mardarchod.

[LuckyCharms]

56. Thanks so much, Niagara.

You're appreciated here as well.

And I know that word!

[malaise]

58. Congrats on your 20:000

[LuckyCharms]

59. Thank you, malaise!

[Dem4life1970]

57. 😂😂😁😎