Still a Mother, always a Mother. Please save a special thought for those of us who have lost a child. This

[Raven]

day is an especially hard one for us.

https://abedformyheart.com/still-a-mother/

[hlthe2b]

1. You are in my thoughts, Raven...

A for Will

[Marthe48]

2. One of my friends lost her son last wk

I hadn't met him. Friend and I reconnected on fb 40 yrs after h.s. She is a nice person and I feel terrible for her.

[blm]

3. 💐💔💐

[Duppers]

4. THANK you.

I lost a full-term baby girl many yrs ago.

[LoisB]

16. That is a tough one. I am so sorry and it doesn't matter how many years ago.

[quaint]

5. Thinking of you and Will today.

Happy memories.
💕

[OAITW r.2.0]

6. So hard to imagine anything worse than burying your child.

Thinking of you and Will today.

[redwitch]

7. Bless you Raven.

.Will was amazing and very much missed.

[MuseRider]

8. Sending special warm love to you and others.

I cannot even begin to imagine if I had lost either of my sons. It is too painful to even imagine.

Will was a hard loss for all of us here but especially for you. Not even close. There can't be much else worse than that. I hope at least the hard edge of that pain can ease a bit. Warm thoughts and love to you and all who suffer this day.

[Diamond_Dog]

9. Sending love

[Clouds Passing]

10. Raven 💚

I lost my son 😢

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

11. I had two sons.

One took his life in 2017.

I never know quite what to say when people ask me if I have children. Do I say I had two? Do I just say I have one?

As awful as it was to lose him, I have several thought here. One is that I'm grateful to still have one son. Losing your only, or losing all of them would be truly awful.

Another thought: I honestly think it would be much worse to lose a child to a disease, some terrible accident, worse yet in some mass shooting. He made a choice I wish he had not made, but it was his choice.

It helps me that I firmly believe that our souls survive bodily death, and that I will see him again.

[Clouds Passing]

12. ....

💚

[LoisB]

18. I believe that too. I am sorry.

[electric_blue68]

23. Answering others. Maybe it depends on what you think of them first glace, how you feel that day etc

[True Blue American]

27. Know that I share your pain.

And at times, even worse is a Son thinking he has to fill 2 places. It is hard for them,too. I finally just started saying,” I had 2,” but then come the questions.

[3catwoman3]

29. Some years after my brother, younger by 3 years and my only sibling, died way too young...

...at only 23, in a winter time scuba diving excursion that ended badly, I asked my mother what she would say when people asked her if she had any children. Her answer - I have a daughter. I had a son.

This was way back in 1978. When my brother died, I was newly stationed at Yokota Air Base in Japan, with the Air Force nurse corps. I'd been there barely 3 weeks, so knew very few people. Went back to the States for the funeral, and then back to Japan. When you are new to a military base/assignment, you are always meeting lots of people, and always asked about where you are from, and about your family.

A sure-fire way to bring conversation to a screeching halt is to have to announce, when asked if you have any brothers or sisters, that your sibling just died. Everyone apologizes in horror for unknowingly bringing up such a sad topic, and I'd end up trying to make them feel better for their innocent error. It was agonizing. Sometimes, when asked if I had any siblings, I would just say "No" if I didn't feel like dealing with it at that moment.

I hope it is OK if I express my admiration for the acceptance you seem to have found with your son's choice. And I hope the son you still have with you is OK.

One additional thought. Awful as the sudden and unexpected loss of my brother was, if it had to be, I'm grateful that I did not have to watch him waste away from some dreadful illness.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

31. Thank you for your post.

I do know how easy it can be to bring a conversation to a screeching halt, as you put it, by mentioning a dead child.

The thing is, many of us have lost a child. I'm a woman, despite my screen name, and have two good women friends, one lost a son shortly after birth, the other lost hers when he was about twenty.

When my son died, one of my first thoughts was that all his friends would forget him soon. That has not happened. His friends still post on his FB page, and that means a lot to me. People constantly trash FB, but they are wrong. Okay, so you're not a fan, I get it. But were it not for FB, it would have literally been years for his friends/acquaintances learn of his death. About two, maybe three years after he died, someone came to his page and was saddened to learn of his death. But at least he found out.

My living son, whom I talk about here as My Son The Astronomer, is finishing up a PhD in astronomy. He's a bit on the spectrum, so he's not one to talk about feelings, or emotions, and so I'm not entirely certain how he's dealt with his brother's death.

[mnhtnbb]

30. I have a friend whose son took his own life

several years ago, too. She is quite open about it, and doesn't hesitate to share memories of him on his birthday or the day he chose to end his life.
She and I also share having lost an infant: mine to premature stillbirth and hers just a few days after he was born. That is somewhat more tricky for me, as my daughter never drew breath. But she remembers her infant son, too. She says she had three children, but only her daughter is still living. I say I had three children, but only my two sons are alive.

I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

[calimary]

13. Thinking of you today, Raven.

Please know you’re not alone even while you may feel that way. As one wise DUer once said: “someone’s always here.”

[MLAA]

14. Sending kind thoughts and hugs.

[markie]

15. Yes

lost my daughter just a year ago... losing a child is rough

[LoisB]

17. Peace to all the mothers (and fathers) who have lost a child. There is no greater loss.

[kacekwl]

19. I feel their pain.

My daughter lost a child shortly after birth. Nothing has ever been so difficult and yet so sweet as holding her passed child in my arms.

[MorbidButterflyTat]

20. You are not alone

[JMCKUSICK]

21. I am so sorry Raven

And that only adds to my admiration for your courage and strength in standing up for so many "Forgotten Mothers".
Thank you!

[soldierant]

22. I knew there was a reason

I saved the email this came in ... hope it helps.

https://johnpavlovitz.substack.com/p/for-those-who-hurt-on-mothers-day

I never had children, never wanted to. What I had was endometriosis and the only thing connected with reproduction I ever wanted was menopause. But I generally agree with almost everything John has to say. And 100% with this essay. So it's from me too.

[electric_blue68]

24. Strength to you all

I have no memory...

My non-fraternal premature twin died a few hours after her birth (she was 2nd). Found out after a relevant Dr Kildare we were watching when I was ?11 yrs old.
Not aware enough to ask her how they took it.

[Ptah]

25. I think I understand your pain.

My mother lost a son and a grandson before she passed.

[True Blue American]

26. Yes, it is

And the hurt never fades. I know. Try to appreciate what we still have.
My whole family has Covid. So Mothers Day will be another time.

[marble falls]

28. My prayer is for anyone who has lost a child from their lives.

[underpants]

32. ❤️