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The Borowitz Report-Mitch McConnell Trounces Trump on Cognitive Exam
Mitch McConnell Trounces Trump on Cognitive Exam
— @fixerupper.bsky.social 2026-07-14T13:01:02.503Z
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a brutal defeat for Donald J. Trump, Senator Mitch McConnell handily trounced him on a cognitive test administered to both men on Tuesday.
According to an attending neurologist who spoke on condition of anonymity, “When asked the test questions, Senator McConnell was totally unresponsive, as opposed to President Trump, who got every one wrong.”
Trump took to Truth Social to claim that the cognitive test was “rigged,” ending his rant with a perplexing, “Bamp you for your babention to this butter.”
The loss to McConnell is just Trump’s latest poor result on a cognitive exam, having been soundly thumped last week by a single-celled alga.
According to an attending neurologist who spoke on condition of anonymity, “When asked the test questions, Senator McConnell was totally unresponsive, as opposed to President Trump, who got every one wrong.”
Trump took to Truth Social to claim that the cognitive test was “rigged,” ending his rant with a perplexing, “Bamp you for your babention to this butter.”
The loss to McConnell is just Trump’s latest poor result on a cognitive exam, having been soundly thumped last week by a single-celled alga.
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