Pete Hegseth Walks Fully Nude Around Newly Press-Free Pentagon (satire)

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Published: October 17, 2025

ARLINGTON, VA—Whistling and cheerfully pumping his arms as he strolled through the corridors of the U.S. military’s headquarters, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth reportedly walked fully nude Friday around the newly press-free Pentagon. “Come on, everybody, don’t be shy!” said Hegseth, who yelled to be heard over the SiriusXM classic rock station blasting from his office as he urged his subordinates to disrobe with him. “Forget all my grumbling about fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon—it’s time to cut loose! Those stick-in-the-mud reporters can’t stop us now. At least take off your shoes! Be free! Don’t mind those guys over there. They’re not real journalists; they’re One America News.” At press time, sources reported that Hegseth was doing nude pull-ups in one of the Pentagon’s SCIFs.

https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-walks-fully-nude-around-newly-press-free-pentagon/

[DET]

1. A Question

Why is that moron tattooed with the Iron Cross? Isn’t that associated with Nazi Germany? If I understand correctly, the Iron Cross was awarded for bravery. Did Hegseth ever do anything remotely brave?

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2. His greatest act of bravery was actually getting a tattoo.

It hurts.

The symbol predates Hitler, but its not a great association.

[MacKasey]

3. It's suppose to be the Jerusalem Cross

Which the crusaders wore

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cross