Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter's Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

[mahatmakanejeeves]

Reposted by onion person
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Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases
WASHINGTON, UT—As he described a massive backlog of murders that continued to stump the agency he leads, desperate FBI director Kash Patel reportedly asked the family of alleged Charlie Kirk assassin ...
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September 15, 2025 at 3:05 PM

Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

— The Onion (@theonion.com) 2025-09-15T19:05:06.999860377Z

[GoCubsGo]

1. Sadly, this could easily be true.

Kashyap is an incompetent boob.

[Jilly_in_VA]

2. What time is his hearing today?

I want to watch him squirm!

[mahatmakanejeeves]

4. "I can't recall."

No, I don’t mean that I can’t recall when the hearing started; it started at nine. What I mean is, that’s about all you can explain him to say.

And good morning.

[dalton99a]

3. Kick

Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

WASHINGTON, UT — As he described a massive backlog of murders that continued to stump the agency he leads, desperate FBI director Kash Patel reportedly asked the family of alleged Charlie Kirk assassin Tyler Robinson on Monday if they could solve any other cases. “You showed a real knack for catching criminals when you identified your son in those photos we released, so how about continuing your hot streak by taking a look at these open investigations?” said Patel, who then dumped a large stack of paperwork, fingerprint evidence, and DNA samples out onto the family’s kitchen table, explaining that he had a lot on his plate right now and would really appreciate their help. “I really don’t know how you cracked the Kirk case. Those pictures were so blurry! Did you guys go to school for this or something? I was honestly at the end of my rope. Have you seen the show High Potential ? This is just like that!” At press time, Patel had been spotted dining in a trendy restaurant while the shooter’s family was said to be digging into the Zodiac Killer murders.

[Sneederbunk]

5. I am sure that the family would release the Epstein files if they could.