I'm starting to see a lot of posts on social media "subtly" shaming women for working outside the home.

[hamsterjill]

Stepping up on soap box...



I've been watching these posts coming across my feed for the last month or so, and they are growing in number. Talking about how much it costs to afford child care, how much it would actually cost to have to pay a stay-at-home mom for all she does. How much "better" it is for the kids to have a "full-time" parent.

All the while, I'm seeing younger women having more children.

A working mother IS a "full-time" parent! I take issue with that comment. I feel like this is an orchestrated part of Project 2025 trying to take woman BACK to being barefoot and pregnant.

Those of us who worked when our children were growing up did just fine, thank you very much. Our kids benefitted from the extra income and most of us were dedicated to our roles as parents more so than our roles as employees. Although we handled BOTH roles exceedingly well.

It should be a woman's decision if she wants to work outside the home to provide for her family. It should be a woman's decision if she chooses to stay home. Same with fathers. Same with couples - it should be a decision made by them as to what is best for their particular situation.

I really feel like young women need to wake up and realize that they still DO have choices before they wake up one morning and don't have those choices any longer.

Rant over.

[marble falls]

1. Well said, Hear, hear!

[Aristus]

2. Not sure why they feel the need to be subtle.

Plenty of shitheads out there being open with their misogyny. Like that smarmy, liver-lipped place kicker who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.

[Ritabert]

3. Since Reagan's time most families need two paychecks to survive...

...so unless Republicans decide to increase wages, give affordable childcare, health insurance and housing forget about it.

[chowmama]

7. Way before Reagan's time.

In the 60s, my mom was at home during the day, until after supper. Then she went to work at the Park and Shop until after close. It wasn't because she wanted to - she'd quit nursing school to work so Dad could get his degree. (It was on the Veterans' Bill, but bills still had to be paid.) She was also responsible for everything child and house related. When he graduated, he did not return the favor.

Once we were old enough to take care of ourselves, she finally found a way to get enough education to spend the rest of her professional career working as a licensed surgical technician. Some browbeating of Dad may have been involved, but not having two incomes for a family of six was not an option. And the pay was a lot better than the Park and Shop.

We knew a lot of families like ours. But there was still a lot of stigma attached. You should have seen Mom's death glare when Dad said publicly that she was just working for pin money.

Pin? We had no stinkin' pins!

[Ritabert]

14. Very true.

[FoxNewsSucks]

8. My first thought also.

Unless they're planning to increase pay so that only one person, no matter which, has to have a full-time job to provide a decent life, they can STFU.

[Ritabert]

13. Exactly.

[mopinko]

40. i've always thought this was about all the things "nonworking" women did.

women volunteered. pta’s. league of women voters. they were an army for a better country.
they wanted to stop that.

[Ritabert]

43. They want women out of the office taking up jobs mediocre men used to do

Unfortunately they're not willing to pay to help families so women have to work.

[Skittles]

4. may I just add

I advise gals to have an education and SOME work experience before becoming "stay-at-home parents". When my dad got sick and was gone for a year, my mum did not know how to drive a car or even write a check. At 14 I had to do a lot of the financial (and other) stuff. NOT cool.

[hamsterjill]

6. +1000

Good advice!!!!

[Irish_Dem]

5. Of course we never shame men who are the ones doing the mass killings.

Shooting women and children at church and school.

Men are also the rapists and serial killers.

But we are going to shame a women for working to support her family.

[ReRe]

16. Also, the men are the IMPREGNATORS!

[Irish_Dem]

37. Exactly, they should receive the same punishment as women who get an abortion.

And if a pregnant woman is left to die a horrible death, the man who impregnated her
should be sent to prison for murder.

No one wants to admit that men are half the abortion equation.

[BluesRunTheGame]

44. Don't we have a court system and prisons...

…to deal with mass murderers, serial killers, and rapists?

I don’t see anyone in the media or political arena celebrating these people. Not sure what you’re trying to say.

[Irish_Dem]

45. Inability to face reality about males is a good example of what I am saying.

Males commit over 90% of all murders, rapes, mass shootings, terrorist acts, etc.

If women committed these crimes at the same rate, they would be rounded up
and placed into concentration camps.

Instead society takes it for granted that men are most of the planet's bad actors.
Shrugs its shoulders and makes excuses. Boys will be boys etc.

Shameful and totally irresponsible.

[BluesRunTheGame]

47. Are you, in any way trying to implicate the men who aren't...

…committing these crimes and atrocities?

The percentage of men in the United States who are arrested for violent crimes of any kind is 00.2 %. Obviously not all criminals get arrested but most men aren’t doing this stuff.

[jfz9580m]

9. K&R

My mother was a working woman. The only instance where I have seen someone address the reality that a bullshit job, a high consumption lifestyle are not particularly feminist (E.g.: Sheryl Sandberg..what’s so feminist about being a girlboss with the type of worthless bs job that does more harm than good and perpetuates the exact culture you are railing against hamsterjill..when your “job” kills feminism and promotes bogus industrial propaganda that’s not feminism. Sunita Williams otoh is a true feminist) in a way that makes sense is Yasha Levine and Evgenia Kovda. Of course they do such sophisticated performance art/journalism and truly for the best reasons..that I don’t know that everyone would get it.

But that aside that trad shit is cancer

[Nigrum Cattus]

10. More RWRE stuff

They don't want immigrants or woman to work.
Really ? They haven't thought that thru.

[slightlv]

11. Rant all you want! If i weren't on this

Tiny phone kb I'd be ranting with you. They're wanting to strip us back to 1940s women. No rights no freedom no choices. Saw this coming years ago when we were getting dissed about screaming about abortion rights. They want us in our chadors and they wont be happy until every female is attached to a man somehow... father brother or husband.

But it takes 2+ salaries these days to support a family, and you can believe they're not going to change that formula soon!

[rubbersole]

21. But, but ya'll wimens could stay stay home an rear youngins...

..if you'd make up for the monies ya ain't bringing in by usin' all that spare time makin' sammiches for working menfolk.

[Joinfortmill]

12. Yikes! Back to 'Leave It To Beaver'.

[hunter]

15. You're stealing jobs from the white men, don't you know!

My grandma worked as a welder in the shipyards during World War II and was one of the few women who kept working after the war ended, although she was then assigned to more delicate sorts of work the real he-men didn't want to do.

She always resented that. I think she liked wresting giant multi-ton pieces of steel around and welding them with finesse. I imagine she was better at it too than most of the men who replaced her.

I was the stay-at-home parent when our children were young.

[jfz9580m]

20. Lots of non-white men of that type are the same way

It’s a type of male (plus deluded women who back such men) in any group, culture or society and they are to be avoided. Really stupid men.

Circumstantial or not, most of the harassment I have faced has been from non white men. Most non-white and white men I have met in my lame, sheltered, white collar life are decent. But since I have met more nonwhite men overall most instances of severe harassment I faced from men almost exclusively from my country.

I am not a racist so I see that merely as a type of indefatigable pervert in any group in about the same proportion (adjusting for time to civilization) but I did want to offer a less American centric and more global perspective.

Usually right wingers like Ayman Al Hirsi distort that type of fallacy that can come from a more Global North based perspective.
I am a humanist of the Carlin persuasion and disapprove of all perverts everywhere and think they better stay out of my way going forward.

[hunter]

28. Here in the U.S.A. it's powerful white guys who are pushing the Project 2025 crap.

They most certainly are racists and misogynists.

The misogynistic not-white men who voted for Trump are discovering the hard way that he never was their friend.

[jfz9580m]

30. No argument about fascistic/nazi,wealthy, powerful white oligarchs

And white Christian fundamentalists like that creep Russell Vought.

[Mblaze]

17. Imagine all of the two-income families

Trying to get ahead on one salary. It's great if they can, but wages haven't risen considerably in many decades.

[jmbar2]

18. I don't know if it's related, but...

I'm seeing a big increase in boomer bashing on social media.

Malign entities may be trying to encourage divisions ahead of the midterms. I debunk the posts whenever possible to discourage people from engaging in divisive discourse.

[hamsterjill]

31. I've seen some of that, as well.

I try to explain that I'm an old fart - end of the Boomer period - and I've NEVER voted for a Republican.

It is a very real thing that the other side wants to divide us and promote in-fighting.

[calimary]

32. Sadly enough, you're probably right about efforts to provoke, ahead of the midterms.

Sometimes it seems like there are nogoodniks everywhere.

Seems to me those of us "goodniks" should always willing to show, demonstrate, and underscore the difference. It's a BIG difference, and others need to SEE that difference.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

19. On the flip side...

Many well paying jobs allow for working at home. Poorly paying ones as well.

[BurnDoubt]

22. We're overthinking this...

Just tell them to fuck off.
"Mind your own fucking business."
When I can tell them how to live, maybe we can chat.

[HeartsCanHope]

23. I've done both, been a working mom and a stay-at-home mom.

Both jobs are hard. Both have advantages and disadvantages. What I'd like to see is no judgment on either side, just acceptance as hamsterjill suggests. The most important thing is having the choice to do what is best for your family. What I'm worried about the right forgetting that stay-at-home moms need survivor benefits. You can't raise a family for the amount of money they want to give you if the main breadwinner dies.

[Hornedfrog2000]

25. Uh, you are missing the point.

It isnt about choice, or respecting what a woman wants if she didnt come up with the idea in the first place, and the next step is taking away your choice to vote.

They are pushing this shit, so women start to believe that it is true, and that they will give up more rights. Dont get into the semantics of it.

[HeartsCanHope]

34. Not sure exactly what you mean about semantics, but I do get the point.

Perhaps I didn't clearly state what I meant. I grew up evangelical and I know exactly the point--they want to control women. Period. Body, mind and soul! The man is the head of the house and he makes the choices for the family. That's how my father operated and I made sure I married someone who believed in working together to make decisions, not an autocracy. I loved staying home with my son. I stopped working because I wanted to, because I wanted to be the one that took care of him full-time--not because I was forced to stop. We were lucky and financially able to make that choice.
I grew up in a time when I couldn't have my own checking account or credit card until after I was in college. I grew up before no fault divorce. I knew lots of women that were either trapped in abusive marriages until they managed to find a way to escape, or women who were financially decimated when their cheating spouse left them. I did what I could to help them get reestablished. Even after winning more rights women today still don't make as much as men--even doing the same job. That's another way to keep women trapped. The evangelicals will never willingly give women freedom, we have to force them to do what is right.
My point still is that we as women should get to make our own choices. No person, male or female, should make our choices for us. We need to vote for the people who believe in freedom of choice for women. We also need to make sure the republicons don't take social security, medicare, and medicaid away so that women who do make the choice to stay at home can survive if they lose their spouse. Many people live paycheck to paycheck and aren't able to put away enough cushion or buy enough insurance to take care of their families if the main breadwinner dies. The right won't help them--"God helps them that help themselves." It's financial AND personal freedoms that are at stake. We cannot fail.

[Hornedfrog2000]

24. Yup, they will get more and more

To believe this shit. Soon youll hear women actively pushing against the need to vote.

This is the shit democratic leaders should be stopping. Stop the propaganda that is brainwashing our country. When trump lost the election, it was like 5% of republicans thought the election was rigged. He kept saying he was robbed, and rigged, and i knew he would make his base believe it. Why wouldnt they believe it when they have murdoch, facebook, instagram, all these sites also pumping in shis saying that he was robbed. Now most republicans believe the election was stolen from him.

Democrats. Wake the fuck up, you cant compete with people living in another reality. The ONLY way this shit ends is by cutting off the propaganda.

[BlueHurricane]

38. Yes to cutting off the propaganda!

This is absolutely the main issue. Can’t the Democratic run states pass laws to stop the spreading of deliberate misinformation? Maybe under the guise of equal time on the news or something? Yeah SCOTUS, I’m sure, would say you can’t because they are political hacks shilling for the Republicans but still keep trying, rinse and repeat until something sticks and meanwhile you get some action against.

[SheltieLover]

26. Kick

[JustAnotherGen]

27. My mom

Graduated with a degree in Hotel / Hospitality Management, married my dad a few weeks later, then started moving for his career (Military Officer). He left the military, we settled in western NY - and 10 years later she was an Exec in a hotel management company.

For all of her success, and being a VP she never made half of what I did. She did everything I did backwards, in high heels, with two children. But - aha - my dad's mother was college educated, his six sisters were and he liked Ambitious women. He drilled into me go *big*. Worst that can happen is you fail.

I had a better idea of what I COULD be because my mom went back to work when I was in kindergarten. My parents took turns with making dinner, and hauling us around, and coaching, and girl scouts etc etc.

I didn't miss out on anything because my mom had a career.

[area51]

29. Sadly, I'm not surprised.

imo, every time #PEDOnald has gained the white house, there's been a corresponding uptick in misogyny.

[synni]

33. A kid's school day is pretty much the same as an adult's work day

It's not like mothers go to class with their kids. That adds up to, maybe, 2 hours per day that they're away from their mothers.

It's all just political, anti-feminist theater.

[jfz9580m]

35. I feel it's a clever con to confuse people about what a feminist ks

I sometimes wryly think when I see the least malicious and more thick headed type of extremely online dude go on about feminists ..”do you even know what a feminist is? Your mom or sister is probably a feminist to the extent that most women want to live their lives free of harassment, intrusion and contribute to society however they choose to not by having babies, unless that’s what they are truly set on and imo give the baby a good life which every baby deserves etc”.
And if you mean your analogous extremely online antagonists who dissect pop culture like you do, they don’t represent all feminists. They represent extremely online feminists. A group I had no intention of joining since I hate the internet. And how it makes everything stupid.

And as a bread and butter feminist I will go finally work now.

[Cosmocat]

39. Correct

nm

[valleyrogue]

36. It doesn't matter.

There is no turning back the clock. Women will never live off a man ever again to survive. Being voluntarily unemployed, which is what being a "homemaker" is, isn't a real option for women, and few women want to take the risk. It is a ticket to poverty once the man dies or dumps the woman when he uses her up. Marriage is dying out, and birthrates are plummeting. More and more women PREFER to remain single.

THIS is what pisses off so many men. Women are saying "no" to men and their backward institutions. For every woman who rejects marriage or even dating, that is one less woman for some man to lay.

Men are heavily invested in sexual access, and women have finally had it with their bullshit.

If the human race eventually dies out, so be it.

[mopinko]

41. we need to fix social security. u get half of "his" bennies

if he dies or dumps u. he gets 100%. that’s not 50/50. that wd b both of u getting 75%. or just fixing it so both get 100%.
i was a stay at home mom, then an artist, then an urban farmer. i had jobs b4 i had kids. i got $300/mo on my own wages b4 he reached 62. he had a great job and paid the max for yrs. he now gets $3200/mo. i get $1600.

jan schakowsky tried to fix this for yeeeears.

[OldBaldy1701E]

42. That would mean some media is nothing but Boomer bashing 24/7.

Some of them cannot stop with the bashing.

However, as to your point... well, I wonder why?



(Source: Google.)

[gulliver]

46. A parent staying home with the kids for at least the first three years...

...should be a choice, and I think it's a choice most people would like to have. Dems should recognize that widespread (and probably inherent) desire if we want to reclaim leadership in being pro-human.

We've come off a long trend of shaming the stay-at-homes as somehow not living full lives, as being some kind of servants of the "patriarchy" (in the case of female stay-at-homes). This was an extremely stupid and inhumane trend. Just blind and stupid. Superficial pseudo-intellectualism in the guise of genius. And it left the middle- and working-class folks utterly divided and confused about the rules of better living, and much easier to imprison and enslave. We thought we were being progressive. We thought we were fighting for freedom. And we were. Until we tried to crank the crank too many times.

[hamsterjill]

48. It should most definitely be a choice.

Last edited Sun Aug 31, 2025, 07:08 PM - Edit history (1)

I went back to work three weeks after giving birth to my daughter. I had absolutely NO desire to be a stay at home mom. To me, it was utterly boring and wasn't my cup of tea. I had a job that I enjoyed and didn't want to give it up.

She was in a great daycare that started teaching them things from a very early age. She started walking and talking long before her cousin who was the same age. As an only child, I felt she benefitted from being around other children her own age, and I felt like she would do better when it was time for kindergarten, etc., and she had no issue transitioning. She was used to being away from mom, wasn't clingy, she knew how to share, etc. I felt like I had a healthy balance. She got to take dance lessons, gymnastic lessons, language lessons, etc. because we could afford a little extra with my income.

I was the "room mother" for two of her school years. I was a very involved parent - I am just good at being organized and getting things done. She excelled all the way through school and college. My daughter is now doing well in her own career and doing well financially. Looking back, I would not change a thing.

So, it really is, and has to be, and NEEDS to be each individual's choice. There are no perfect paths. We make the paths work based on the choices we make and what's best for each of our situations. I never looked down on stay-at-home moms. But I was independent enough not to feel guilty because I chose a different path. I knew what I was doing was the right thing for me and my daughter.

The concern that *I* have is going to be the loss of having a choice at all. And the moms like me, who want to continue their careers, will be judged harshly. We don't need to go backwards. We can't allow that.

[ProfessorGAC]

49. Another Desire To Crash The Evonomy, I Guess

This is a pipedream of the radical right, which would not be economically sustainable.
The dramatic reduction on the workforce would result on massive wage increases, that wouldn't accomplish the endentured servitude these idiots long for.
Companies cannot run with 60% of the workforce. Companies interested in their own survival will pat moee; workers will defect to those companies. The 2nd tier will raise wages in self defense. Rinse, repeat.
These idiots have a plan. They don't have a strategy. If they did, they'd dump this stupid theme in the fastest possible fashion.